Like A Drug (Radiodust Oneshots)

When Life Gives You Lemons, Squeeze It Back In Its Eyes

Rule number one in the Hazbin Hotel: if you are Sir Pentious and you so much as glance at Angel Dust, you will find your scaly backside in a garbage bin.

Here's how the story goes:

It was a stormy night when Pentious asked for a room. He banged open the door as if he opened the place, glared at Alastor and slithered to the front desk.

Husk burped in his face, alcohol in his hand. "Whaddya want?" he asked.

"A room," Pentious said shortly. "For one night maybe."

"That'll cost you-" Husk began.

"Nothing!" Charlie sang. "Welcome to the Happy Hotel! We're thrilled to have you here!"

"Well, most of us are," Angel muttered.

"Whats the WiFi password?" Pentious asked, grumbling some intolerable.

"Alastor made it," Charlie said. "Ask him."

Pentious turned to Alastor, the demon who sent his ship tumbling. He frowned. Alastor muttered something, which made Angel giggle. "What?"

"I said," Alastor growled, shooting Angel an embarrassed look, "it's alastorsecretlylikesdicc."

Angel burst out laughing, chest racking and hips spasming. Pentious paused, before saying, "Is dick with a 'k' or a 'c'."

That made the spider demon laugh harder, practically howling. "Seriously?!" Vaggie hissed from across the room.

Alastor shrugged, and Pentious smiled at Angel. "Come along," Alastor said, leading Angel down to his bedroom.

"Alastor secretly likes dick," Angel said, wiping a tear away. "Brilliant."

Alastor rolled his eyes. "Angel," he said.

"Yes?"

"I'm kinda horny right now," he said casually. "Get it? Horny?" He tapped his horns. Angel began to laugh again.

"God, I love you, Alastor," he said. Alastor blushed. "I owe you a blowjob."

"I'll get the condoms," Alastor said.

So whilst Angel walked to Alastor's room, he went to the storage cupboard, to his secret hiding spot where he hid the lube and condoms.

He turned and met Sir Pentious's vehement gaze. "How much?" Pentious asked.

"How much what?" Alastor asked, not faltering his smile.

"How much do you want?" Pentious asked.

"Let me rephrase it," Alastor said. "For what?"

"To dump the stripped freak," Pentious said.

Lets just say it got bloody and brutal pretty fast. Alastor fought with his Radio Demon side whilst being strangled by Pentious's tail. And Pentious was constricting his tail whilst trying to bite Alastor.

It took Nifty a week to get rid of the stain on the floor. And Alastor didn't get his blowjob.

-

Q: Who are you most like in Hazbin Hotel?

A: I'd say Alastor because I smile all the freaking time. Though I'm not nearly as creepy :p