the story of you

Back To Reality.. Or So I Thought?

It was my first morning back and I can't lie, I slept great. My body physically couldn't take any more sleepless nights. The second I'd woken up it felt weird not being beside you, cold and rough. I couldn't help but replay the nights we spent on the hotel roof talking until 7am, It was like I was hit with vivid flashbacks the minute I opened my eyes and I couldn't help but think about if you were thinking the same thing, only to be reassured with a text you sent that same morning, telling me exactly what I wanted to hear; "I woke up today feeling like shit when I didn't see you next to me".

The day was bittersweet, but I finally had my first day of privacy after living in the same room with 4 other friends, don't get me wrong, it was fun, but you miss the small stuff, like not worrying about who might accidentally walk into the bathroom or getting screamed at for leaving a sweater on the edge of the bed. Yet, I did awfully miss you, even though we went to school together and I was sure i'd see you tomorrow, I still missed you. I spent the whole rest of that day in bed, replaying each memory we shared over our week trip in my head and sleeping. One thing I failed to mention however, is that things began to feel weird at the end of the trip I can't find another word to describe it but bittersweet, again. I had a bit of a fall out with one of my friends on the trip and I was feeling awful about it, despite all the good times you and I shared. As I lay in bed all day that day, I failed to remember how awful I felt on the trip back home, thoughts of the fallout, taking it out on you, my friend got the best of me and I retracted back into an insecure shell. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, because I woke up that day feeling a little better and rested, but the feeling lingered on. At that point I completely erased any possibility you might be as confused as I was, and blamed it all on the heat of the moment and the trip.

The days began to merge together, mixed with sleep and going to school, to be honest I couldn't even keep track of time at that point. I do vividly remember waking up from my daily afternoon nap at 6pm to a message from you. You spoke to me in a way no one has, it made me feel a way I've never felt before. You'd ask me about my intuitive thoughts, opinions, theories and emotions. Again, I still don't know if at that point I was infatuated with the treatment or had a genuine crush on you. I do remember, however, staying up to talk to you as tired as I was and seeing you in school the next day keeping me going. I was feeling the lowest I'd ever felt, but you pulled me out of that early on, before it developed into something more severe. I won't get into the reason I was feeling hurt at the time because i'm still not ready to revisit these wounds, but every time I remember that slump the feeling hits right back, just to emphasize on how deep it was, yet you helped me through it.