the story of you

The Rest Of The Summer

It was quite shaky, I must admit - the rest of the summer that is. After leaving your house that day, even I didn't realize at the time, but I left a small part of me there, never to be seen again. You killed a small part of me after you watered the love I had for you for months, causing me to open up and be affectionate for the first time in my whole life. I'll never forget how I felt when I came home that night - I tasted heartbreak for the first time ever at 18. I guess it was an eye opening moment, but fuck, did it hurt, I cried all night. I promised myself I'll never open up again, and that i hated you.

The next day I woke up with a post cry sesh headache, but at least i felt better than the day before - well, not better per say, more numb would be fitting. I texted a friend trying to confide in her, but it was so difficult getting my point across when i'd never told anyone about how i've fallen in love with you and wasn't intending on telling anyone soon. Nevertheless, my friend tried to comfort me, but i was just sick to my stomach. I barely slept or ate for a week.

After 3 days of progress and out of sight out of mind, I realized that the friend group you and I shared were leaving to study abroad in less than a month. They were my friends, and I wanted to see them as much as possible before they left - one hiccup though; so did you. As I spent the afternoon creating a painting I still love to this day because it represented just how hurt I felt at the time, our mutual friend texted the group chat making lunch plans and insisting we all attended. At first, I was hesitant, but then I thought to myself and realized I wasn't gonna let you ruin the last few weeks I had left with my friends. I gathered up the courage and started getting ready to go out, when suddenly, I get a text from you. This was significant because in the text you shared how you wanted to come pick me up because "the car can get lonely". I didn't want to be a kid and not respond - actually, scratch that. At first I thought you needed something, and even knowing you didn't I still gave in; I can't lie, I got a bit excited seeing your name pop up. Nevertheless, I kept it cold as ice just like U promised myself, I just texted back a plain and simple respectful decline to the offer, even though it wasn't even an offer, it was more of a request from her to me, but I didn't give in to temptation.

I get to the restaurant before her, and I gotta say I was thankful. I didn't want my emotions to come running back just yet, at least not before i've had a minute to catch up with the friends that were already at the table. Eventually, she showed up. I didn't feel much, possibly because she sat far away, I didn't address her the whole time and I was clenching my jaw every time she spoke begging my neck not to turn her way. At the end of the lunch, my friends surprised me with a cake as a late birthday celebration, which I didn't expect. At that point I felt pretty bad, knowing you'd definitely had a part in the planning process. It was a small but sweet gesture that surely tested my limit.

After lunch we headed to a friends house and I ignored you the whole way there. Barely sang along to the music, either I was engaged in conversation with a friend or distracted by my phone. Of course what I showed on the outside wasn't how I felt inside. On the outside I looked distant, cold and aloof, while on the inside I was screaming for you to turn to me and tell me something, anything. Eventually we get to my friends house and she busts out our groups favorite video game at the time; mario smash. We're split into teams and I'm opposing yours. At the end of each round, you and I remain as rivals, being equally as skilled in the game. You always shouted silly comments just as you would to a game rival, but I never replied. Once I got the final win, you came over to me and jokingly choked me, to which I pushed you away and replied "get off of me", but I must admit, I didn't want that.. not at all, in fact, it was the best I felt in days.