the story of you

Summertime Bummertime

Finally came the day I took my last and only final of senior year, most my calculus class also only had that one final as I did. Everything felt to weird. Just the fact that that was the last official day I'd visit the school as a student felt so eerie, being a student has been all i've known for the past 12 years, hell, it's been my whole life kind of. I'd never switched schools so I've been visiting that same building everyday since kindergarten. I had a lot on my mind and yet, as always, you managed to find your way in there. As I signed out of my last final and awaited my friends at the door, I couldn't help but almost have a bit of a panic attack. Anyway, my friends and I were all done and ready to leave that shithole, one last time. We spent our whole last day together, and I won't lie, it was one of the shittiest days ever. We were all feeling so off, so low. I'd made a 4 minute senior year video dedicated to my friends and that was probably the only highlight of that day.

I remember going back home feeling so empty. When something's been all you've known for years and finally came the day you left, everything you begin to feel so directionless, no matter how much you've anticipated or planned for that moment. My mind was buzzing with thoughts and yet it felt so clear, in a bad way. No matter what it kept circling back to you. I wondered; were things going to change between us? will you find someone else you like in uni, someone who attains all I lack? someone who'll give you attention and affection, someone you'll break my heart with? will we lose our touch? will you stop liking me or even will I stop liking you? my mind was racing, and yet it felt like giving up. I tried to calm myself down, it was the first day of summer! This may sound pretty weird but as much as I hated school, I also disliked the first month of summer vacation. It was usually so bland, everyone suddenly is feeling off and the days you actually have fun are numbered. We can't go jet skiing every day after all. I was all in my head and everything felt like crap. I kept listening to tame impala and staring at your gift I hung up on the wall. In an attempt to make things better, I asked my friends to come over the next day, and called it a night.

The next day came by and minutes felt like hours. Finally it was night time and my friends came over, but you, you gave us a vague answer, but never came. After all the whole get togethers intent was for me to see you, but that didn't work out for me. As I was having a pretty okay time with my friends, I managed to hold my feeling of despair back, until I couldn't anymore, and broke down. All of a sudden I went from smiling and laughing to a complete sob cry I couldn't control, and the worst part was, my friends were concerned and asking questions, yet I couldn't make out what made me so upset I had to tell them I genuinely didn't know.

Eventually the day passed and I did feel better letting it all out, to be honest. Surprisingly, once I did, I felt good, hopeful even- which was surprising on my end.