John had been walking along the side of the road for what seemed like hours, when the honk of a horn behind him startled him. He whipped his head around and saw a bright red bus coming towards him. He stepped off the road, and the bus came to a halt as it reached him.
The bus door opened, and a fat orange man stepped out with a large black cloth over his head. He was followed by two other guys, all with the same covering.
The man pointed at John "Look at you!" He glanced at the others behind him "You're coming with us"
All three people were wearing full faces of glamorous makeup, which startled John.
The man took John's hand and brought him inside the bus. At this point, John was too exhausted to protest, but at least it was free transportation, right? Maybe he could get them to take him to Indiana.
The trio laughed as the bus started moving again. They sat him down in a chair by a large mirror, and they took their own seats.
"Welcome to the mobile salon!" Said one of the men. He had a Russian accent, and looked very serious.
John looked around at the inside of the bus. There were mirrors and stools everywhere, and everything was littered with beauty supplies.
The other guy spoke up. He had a sassy look in his eyes "We are the best salon on earth"
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"And that's how we met" explained the Russian.
"Wow, Vladimir! That was a great story" John had been listening to her story about how the salon had started up for a while. Apparently the orange man was Donald Trump and the other boy was James Charles. The dude that told him the story was named Vladimir Putin.
"Look at us now!" Said Donald. "On our way to compete at Indianan's national hair competition!" Hearing those words made John perk up.
"What a coincidence, I'm also going to Indiana!" The three others looked at him excitedly.
James spoke up "Maybe we could drop off sister John at the nearest bus stop when we get there?"
The others nodded.
"But first, we need to get him a makeover!" James continued.
They all let out deafening squeals, and Donald got out a pair of pink glittery scissors.
John really didn't want to do this, but it was the least he could do since they were driving him all the way to Indiana.
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"So, why are you heading to Indiana? " Donald asked as he trimmed John's permed Auburn locks.
"I'm going to my friend's party. We met at the Panera I work at, and he said I don't get out much, so he invited me to his big birthday party. Apparently he's the drummer of Queen. " John fiddled with the cape James had put on him to catch his falling hair.
Vladimir gasped "Roger Taylor invited you to his birthday party?!? "
John smiled "Yeah, I guess he did. "
Vladimir squealed. "Oh, em, gee! I totally love that band! Roger is sooo cute you are so lucky!!"
"Are you sure he's just a friend? " James asked, with a sly grin on his face.
John blushed. " Well, we kissed before he left. But that doesn't really mean anything, does it?"
"Of course it does, girl!" Donald told him . "Vlad, babe, could you get his makeup?"
Vladimir nodded and pulled some makeup brushes from a cluttered drawer.
John was holding back a smile. "Do you really think he wants to be my, y'know, boyfriend?"
"Well, I mean he is famous so you never know. He did invite you to go all the way to Indiana though, so that must mean something." Donald removed the itchy cape and stood back to admire his work.
"Ooh, sister john looks like a snack!" James exclaimed. "If he didn't like you before, he definitely will now"
John wasn't used to this much attention. He smiled ear to ear.
"Keep your face still sweetie, I need to start on the makeup" Vlad smeared some kind of foundation on his face.
When Vlad had finished John's makeup, he wheeled his chair around to show everyone else in the room.
"Tadaaa!" Vlad held out his arms and smiled.
"OH EM GEE" Donald screeched, and waved his hands in the air. "Girl you look hella beautiful"
As the boys gathered around him, a question popped into John's head
"What's under the black things on your heads?" He didn't know why it hadn't occurred before that they might be hiding something.
The three men stared at him before they backed up from his chair. They all simultaneously looked at each other and unwrapped the coverings that were concealing their hairdos.
Out came three gigantic, sparkly, marvelous hair-masterpieces. Donald's was a huge yellow taco. It was so sparkly that Deaky hand squinted his eyes just to look at it. James's was a giant pink dildo.
"What the fuck?" was the only thing John could possibly say when he saw it.
James giggled
Vladimir's hair looked like Donald's face, but it was gigantic and covered in blue glitter.
John was awestruck by all three fabulous looks.
"Wow, you guys are definitely going to win the hair contest thingy"
"Oh, thanks love." Vladimir winked at John, which made him squirm in his seat.
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When the bus arrived at a station in Indiana, John prepared to leave. He gave goodbye hugs to everyone and opened the bus door. Then, something caught his eye. It was a black curtain in front of what would be where the bus driver sat.
"Wait, who has been driving this whole time?" he took the curtain in his hand, and pulled to reveal who was sitting in front of the wheel.
"ROBBIE FROM VICTORIOUS?!?!?" John almost fainted
He could not believe that his child idol had been driving him and a bus full of glamorous twinks across the country. Robbie also had a magnificent hairdo like the rest of the boys. It looked like a gigantic piece of Gouda cheese.Then, Rex popped out from behind him and said "Vaginaboobz"
John ran off the bus, and bumped straight into David Bowie.
