Lines // hemmings

Chapter 19

LUKE

“C’mon, Hemmo.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“Why do you even bother?” I mumble into the pillow that smells like soap. Everything smells of either soap or sweat here, there is no in between.

Ashton doesn’t reply, so I take a deep breath and hold it for as long as I can before I exhale again, feeling the pillow getting warmer. I wait for him to give up on me and get back to whatever he was doing before. Not that there is much to do here. Except drowning in your own thoughts, like I am doing and have been doing ever since I got here.

Except for when she wrote to me. She was a distraction. A good distraction, but now I don’t think she wants anything to do with me. I knew this was going to happen, that’s why I didn’t tell her in the first place. She’d turn her back just like all my friends did when I got here. No one wanted to be associated with me. No one wanted to see me again. If only they knew how much that hurt.

However, somewhere deep inside I thought she was different. I know I told her I would understand if she didn’t wanted anything to do with me, and I stick with those words. But I never thought it would hurt like this.

“Ouch, what the hell was that for?” I yell when I feel a hand slap the back of my head. I turn around, raising my hand in defense, ready for the next slap to come.

“Just come with me, okay?”

“Why, Ashton? Why do you want me to come to the damn visiting center? You know no one’s going to come and visit me!” I yell and slowly sit up, feeling my heart beating faster in my chest and someone bang on the wall from the cell next to us. Shut up.

Ashton looks at me, his eyes focused on mine.

“Because…I can’t stand this!” He raises his voice abruptly. “I can’t stand watching you lie here all day not doing anything. Don’t let that fucking girl ruin you, man! She’s making you depressed! Suck it up and get on with your life." 

His face is red and his neck is tensed, a vein is showing.

“I can’t…”

“Yes, you can! If I can, you can! Yes, I was fucking down when I found out Charlotte cheated on me while I was in here. Yes, I fucking cried. But I fucking stopped caring and got up and did something about it. It’s been, what? Two, almost three weeks!” He yells and I want to tell him that made no sense. So he could cry and be down, but I couldn’t? Then again, Abby’s not my girlfriend but why does it hurt this much?

“You aren’t even together, Luke!” He exclaims, as if he’s read my mind.

I remember when I saw Ashton’s red eyes one day. I had only been here for a couple of months so I asked him about it but he just shrugged and ignored me so I stopped asking and he eventually stopped cursing in his sleep. Ever since then, he’s never let anything break him. Not even the guards. He’s the strongest person I know.

“I promise not to drum when you’re napping.” 

I shake my head at him. He could never keep that promise, not even if he tried. He’s drumming his hand against his leg at this very second and I raise one of my eyebrows at him which makes him stop and clear his throat.

“I care about you, Luke. I really do. You’re the closest to friend I have here, okay?” Ashton mumbles, but I hear every word.

He’s the closest to friend I have as well, so I just nod.