100 Days gone

15

I knew I was still fragile. That the teeniest thing could really set me off. And today. One did.
I actually got out of bed today. You should be proud. I had to use the bathroom. When I was done I proceeded to wash my hands. I shouldnt of looked up. When I did I saw what a mess I really was. Week old make up still smudged on my face. Your shirt hanging limply from my deteriorating body. My hair was a mess. I was a mess. I burst into tears at the sight of my own reflection. I was becoming nothing. I was fading away more and more everyday. I cant handle this! I need you. It didnt have to be this way! You should have told me. It could have been different luke. I practically sprinted off the floor and to our room. The one that was originalky mine until you badically took it over. I frantically searched for my phone. I dialled mikeys number but he didnt answer. I called Ash next. It'd been a long time since id seen him. I guess. I havent really been keeping track of time. I dont feel the need to. I heard him when he came in. Busting through the door like a madman. I was in your room. Not ours. Yours. I was in uour room on your bed wrapped tightly in your blankets with your penguin in my arms. I heard him run down the hall and softly call my name. I heard him jog to your room and the door creak slightly as he opened it. I could hear him sigh slightly. He walked over and picked me up. Blankets, penguin, and all. And carried me to the living room. He lightly placed me on the couch and dissapeared towards the front door. He came back with his arms full of things. Candy, stuffed animals, cards, flowers, everything. Ash said that the fans had been by his and the other boys flats too. They really did care about you luke. And I guess me also. He sat down next to me and we began to look at everything. When we were done I pulled out my phone got on twitter snd tweeted telling the fans who brang things thank you. That I apriciated it. Twotter exsploded. Tons of girls asking how I was doing. If I was ok. And truth is. Im not ok. Im not fine. Never will be fine again.

Had this really long and what I thought was wonderful chapter written saved and exited for a few minutes to get past information so that I was accurate and wattpad deleted what I wrote! I was beyond mad. I still sort of am. I doubly updated. Didnt even spell that ri.ght but I dont care. I will be going back on of theae days soon amd editing all of my bad grammar!