Dream Catcher

Chapter 11

I never realized exactly how stressful looking for a house could be, let alone actually buying one.

That, plus trying to make music, it was really taking a toll on me.

"Jiho.." Minji called me from my couch. I sat at the kitchen counter, my laptop open to a real estate website and my notebook in front of me with scribbled lyrics. Minji called me again, louder this time.

I looked up at her, "Did you say something?"

She sighed, "I thought we were going to actually socialize, isn't that why I came over in the first place?"

"You're right." I stood up and stretched. I'd been sitting at that chair for so long, my entire body was stiff. I shut my laptop off and turned my notebook face down.

"What do you want to do?" I asked. She bunched her lips to the side and looked away, clearly me focusing on just her wasn't enough. "Hello? Are you still mad? Look, I put the stuff away, okay? We can socialize now." I put air quotes around the word socialize with my fingers.

She frowned before speaking, "You've been doing this a lot lately."

"Doing what?"

"Neglecting me."

I laughed without humor and shook my head, "Really? Well excuse me if Ive been busy looking for a place for us to live in. Are you really going to be one of those needy girlfriends?"

"Is it going to be like this when we move in together? You disrespecting me all the time?" Minji stood up put her hands to her hips.

I rolled my eyes, "Please don't start with this bullshit, Minji. You were never the annoying type, don't be one now."

"So Im annoying? Really, Jiho? Im just trying to assure Im not making a huge mistake moving in with you."

"And you need to make sure of that, okay. Well if you're doubting in the first place maybe this really is a mistake and you're going to regret it in the future."

I wanted to take the words back as soon as I spoke, but I still failed to stop myself from actually saying them.

The hurt was obvious in Minji as she held back tears. I wanted to apologize and tell her I didn't mean it, but my fucking pride stood in the way.

"Don't make this something its not, Jiho." She bit her lip.

It was what I was good at, she should've realized that by now.

"Do you really think you can be happy with me?" I asked her, looking her dead in her eyes while she stared past me.

A couple seconds of silence passed before she nodded slowly, "I think we can truly make this work Jiho. Im not going to regret it and I hope neither will you. But if you're willing to give me up that easily, due to a simple comment, then maybe Im wrong."

"And if you are? If you're wrong and we can't make this work. What if we end up broke and eventually homeless? We've only known each other for so long, theres still a lot I don't know about you and a lot you don't know about me."

"So now its too soon? Look, you're the one that came up with this idea. You got me excited for it. You are the one putting yourself through hell just so we can live together. Not me, you."

As Minji spoke, she took a step towards me until her index finger was pressed up against my chest.

I grabbed her wrist and slapped her hand away, "I think I made the wrong decision here, but I can't take it back now, can I?"

"Where is all this coming from? Did I do something wrong? Whats your problem?" She yelled.

It had been something I'd been paranoid of for a while now. I constantly found myself doubting wether we'd be compatible enough to actually live amongst each other.

I loved her to death, I really did. But doubting was something I made a habit. There was always a piece of me questioning my decisions and I hated that it affected this one.

The one decision I wished I was 100% sure of was the one I was the most scared to actually go through with.

"Answer me, Jiho." Minji demanded when I stayed silent, pondering over her question, "Where's all this coming from?"

I glared and took a deep breath, "Whats to stop you from abandoning me afterwards and leaving me with nothing but an empty house and memories that used to be? What if a month later you decide you don't love me? Maybe I won't be enough and you'll realize what a jackass I am. How can I be sure you'll stick around? You're basically the only person that I can truly be myself with, the only person that doesn't make me feel compelled to spit on a homeless man or steal something simply for the rush."

Minji took a minute to process my words. I hadn't even realized that was the problem until then. I didn't know that was the reason why but now that I did it made perfect sense.

I'd never been able to keep a friend for more than a month, excluding Kyung, Jaehyo, Bbomb, Taeil, P.O, and Ukwon but that was simply because we were all equally fucked up.

Even then, I still wouldn't have trusted them with my cousins, neighbors, co-workers pet fish.

"I won't leave you. Because, besides my mother thats been ignoring me for half of my life, you're all I have."

I let out a shaky breath before running my fingers through my hair. "I just don't want too trust too easily."

Minji groaned in frustration, "There you fucking go again, doubting. Just for the love of christ, believe me when I say I will not leave you!" She shouted.

I found myself trying to overpower her voice as I spoke, yelling even louder, "Its not that simple, Minji."

"A relationship is built on trust, you know that? There is clearly no trust here if you can't take my word, my promise. I think we're not what we need for each other right now."

I locked eyes with her and shook my head, "You're not going to break up with me over a simple issue. We can fix this, build trust."

"We've been trying for the last couple of months, clearly only one of us has progressed." I tried to open my mouth to speak, to hopefully change her mind, but she cut me off with the palm of her hand before I could.

"If you think this is actually going to work then you're insane.. I learned a lot about you today, Jiho. A lot."

She began to walk towards the door, making me panic. I didn't want to loose her, she was mine.

I grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her against the wall, forcing my lips onto hers. Minji fought against me, pushing me away as hard as she could but I persisted.

She lifted her knee and stomped as hard as she could on my foot, her heel pressing into my toes. I groaned in pain and pulled away before being slapped by a furious Minji.

"Fine." I shouted angrily through the pain, "Fucking leave. I could honestly give less than a fuck, anyways."

The front door slammed shut mid sentence, irritating me even more.

I grabbed the nearest thing near me, that being my shoe on the floor, and launched it towards the door. It left a chip in the white paint as it made impact and fell with a thud.

Fuck, I'd have to pay for that.