Dream Catcher

Epilogue

You killed her!

Murderer!

The words that Minjis mom had screamed at me at the hospital rang clear in my mind.

I could still feel the dull coldness of her hand striking my cheek.

It'd taken two nurses to hold her back as she cried and screamed at me. I wasn't even able to look at her in the eye as she did.

For some reason this wasn't affecting me like I wanted it to.

I wasn't feeling the pain I expected to come when you lost someone. Was I in some type of shock? Why did it feel like I was detached from myself?

It wasn't pain I was feeling, it was just numbness throughout my whole body.

I guess, in a way, that was worse than feeling any actual pain. Because what I did feel was inhuman, for not even being able to grieve for Minji.

And for not feeling any guilt.

As soon as the paramedics had stopped trying so hard to revive her in that ambulance, I realized he was actually gone. I didn't even shed a tear.

Now I stood inside the house we once used to share.

The loss was felt even in these rooms. They were all missing her presence.

They lacked her in the kitchen, cooking her favorite dishes.

In the bathroom, filling the entire house with the scent of her shampoo while she showered.

Especially in the room where we'd slept together. In the bed we'd wake up next to each other in. Where we would make love every night.

I turned on the light and just stared at the bed in front of me.

The familiar quilts that I loved, and the mismatched pillows. That stain in the sheets that never washed off.

And that book.

That book she always kept on her pillow. She would always read it at the end of the day. Then I'd get bored and start messing with her.

I'd tease her until she couldn't concentrate on the words printed inside those pages.

But no matter how much I teased her, she never failed to tuck it under her pillow. So the next morning she could reach for it and sneak outside to read it. Out on her little ledge.

I looked over at the window and wasn't surprised to find it cracked open.

To think she waited there for me when I left her, and when I didn't come back, what did she do?

I poked my head through and found a pile of bunched up blankets out there along with the book I had gotten her as an apology for being an ass.

Already the spine was wearing just a tiny bit.

And it was this, the sight of this, that snapped me out of shock.

I felt a lump rise in my throat and my eyes began to sting with tears. But the pain I felt in my chest over powered that. I was at loss of air, I felt suffocated.

To make it worse, the memory of her officially being pronounced dead.

And the cause.

She had a heart attack, due to stress levels being too high. The ligaments in her heart have suffered damage over time, probably from trauma.

I couldn't even bring myself to recall the rest of what the doctor had told me. It was clear as day who caused all that stress, who was at fault.

The guilt started pouring in and pretty soon I was drowning.

I grabbed the book and the blankets, and threw them over the edge. Immediately after I regretted the decision, only to realize that it was already too late.

"Fuck!" I painfully yelled at the top of my lungs. Before taking my fist and punching the wall.

It hurt, but that wasn't the reason why I cried. I didn't even try to stop the flow of tears that came.

I sat on the tiny ledge with my arms hugging my knees under my chin and my feet close to the edge. I stared out at the black horizon.

Why did Minji like it here so much? It was cold and lonely.

Just the thought of her name made my chest sting. Like I was getting attacked by hornets, it was a hideous pain.

It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that she was gone.

I would never hold her again. Or kiss her goodnight. I'd never see her smile, or her tears. And I would never be able to argue with her again.

Or bicker over the smallest things and have her prove me wrong over and over again. At the time it seemed like an annoying habit she had.

But now, Id give anything to bring those moments back.

Depression was all I could feel. It hit me all at once, and it felt like it was never going to end.

I couldn't see myself smiling again.

I had no reason to.

My job, the love of my life. They were the only two things I lived for and now both had been viciously torn away from me in less than 48 hours.

All because of myself.

Life really was a bitch.

I was drunk off of grief as I stood up, the very tips of my toes so close to the edge. So close to an escape.

I didn't think much about what I was doing, I just looked down.

At the rocks that laid before me, washed over by the black sea. Id been so scared of the view when I first saw it, and now I couldn't help but feel welcomed by the waves.

I thought about my parents, one hand subconsciously moving to the scarred skin on my forearm.

Where were they?

Were they watching over me?

What about Minji?

Suddenly I could see them. I could see them clear as day, standing somewhere with smiles all over their faces.

I'm sure my mom would just love Minji, just as much as I did.

The very thought overwhelmed me.

Soon my knees gave in and then I was flying forward.

Falling.

*

Time of death: 3:75 am