Alice

13

They kept me at the hospital for a week to ensure that my body processed my miscarriage naturally and that I wouldn't require any extra treatment.

I was thankful to be home after that week, the sheets hurt my skin with their rough texture but I was too sad to ask for different ones. I felt like I had failed in life, I caused my pack danger and unintentionally put me and my unborn pup at risk resulting in no pup at all.

Being a mother was something I looked forward to and it hurt to know that I could have been a mother if not for my stupid decisions.

Trent and I didn't talk much, it hurt too much knowing I unintentionally killed his first child.

I guess after I passed out they had tracked me down at least a half hour outside the territory, I don't remember being dragged that long but I guess when you are thinking about saving your pack you lose track of time. The doctor told me they found me with the rogues circled around me while I was laying in a pool of my own blood. I guess I had been beaten more once I blacked out. Trent and Jared took me back while Sebastian made sure the order to slaughter the rogues happened although they saved my brother.

When Carl woke up they interrogated him in the dungeon where I met the first rogue before he was allowed to come visit me where he explained everything.

After the mating games Carl was very angry and felt that everyone failed me. He thought that I was lying when my mom told him I was fine. He decided to call Trent to make a deal. He wasn't sure what he was going to do he just knew he needed to get me back home. I guess when Carl called the office Richard picked up and they negotiated a deal. If Carl gathered enough rogues he would help get me back home. He was looking for a reason to hurt Trent.

Carl agreed and went rogue along with a few childhood buddies. They kept in contact with Richard through my parents while they continued to go from pack to pack collecting stray teens who wanted to be a bit rebellious.

I guess after I was introduced to the pack Richard had an idea, he wanted me and he was going to have me. He called Carl and told him that he would kill me if he couldn't have me, so Carl let him claim me in hopes I would be safer.

After that Richard became more demanding and even started to beat and kill members of his rogue army which made Carl rethink his deal. He tried to make efforts to come see me to tell me but Richard made sure he was always doing something to prevent it.

On the night of the attack Carl hoped to come tell me but Richard found out and beat him until he fell unconscious.

After hearing Carl tell me everything my opinion changed. At first I thought he just didn't care if I was happy or not he wanted me home, which at first wasn't a lie but he truly thought I was in danger and risked his own life to save me!

Carl felt terrible about my miscarriage, he told me he wished he had just left me alone. I couldn't blame him for the death of my baby I could only blame myself and my stupidity.

It was my last day at the hospital, the week had gone slow and I was almost relieved to go home but at the same time I wasn't sure if I would be able to stay with Trent after what happened. I didn't deserve him.

I felt extremely depressed after waking up so my days were made up of a lot of crying and self hatred for what I did. I dealt with it mostly alone.

Trent and Carl helped me pack my books and pj's up while I took a shower in the hospital bathroom. When I got out Trent brought me a pair of clothes.

The doctor gave me a quick check once more before he gave us the okay to go home.

Arriving home was nice, awkward but nice. I basically threw myself into house work the first day being home. Carl stayed in the guest bedroom and Trent stayed in our room to work on phone calls and emails.

I had dinner ready by the usual time and we all sat in silence at the breakfast bar to eat. It was mundane and comfortable. After dinner the boys went back to their room.

After the dishes were done I trudged my way to bed. Trent was in bed when I came in. After a long day of housework I was covered in a layer of sweat and dirt, so I took another shower. The shower made the bathroom quickly fill up with steam which coated the mirror with a white fog.

I wrapped myself in a towel once I had stepped out of the shower. I wiped the fog off the mirror until I was met with the image of myself. My face was sunken in from the lack of food and sleep, my brown hair hung down almost to my butt and was severely tangled. My green eyes were dull almost as if I was Richard.

Richard.

My eyes filled up with tears and I watched in the mirror as they dripped down my wet red cheeks. I covered a mouth to mute a sob that ripped from my throat before I collapsed on the floor in a heap.

I heard some shuffling outside the door but I didn't think anything of it until Trent knocked on the door.

"Alice?" he sounded monotonous. I didn't answer, I was struggling to breath. He knocked again, "Alice?" I let out another sob, the door opened and I didn't have to look up to know he had a pitiful expression on his face. "Alice," he sighed. I uncovered my mouth and pressed the hand to my chest. I kept my head down as my other hand tightened around the towel.

"I'm a failure," I cried. Trent stepped into the bathroom.

"How are you a failure?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I put the pack in danger."

"Not intentionally," he bent down, his voice was soft and laced with concern.

"I thought if I just gave myself to them it would save the pack but it didn't!"

"You did what you thought was right, you can't be upset about that," he placed a hand on my back and started to rub small circles.

I looked up at him as I sobbed "but my stupidity killed our baby!" I saw sadness flash through his eyes before he gently grabbed me and hoisted us up so we were on our feet.

"You didn't kill our baby, Richard did, I know that if you knew you were pregnant you wouldn't have gone, this isn't your fault," he told me as he brought my sobbing figure to his chest. I felt him reach behind me by the bathroom sink before he guided me to our bedroom.

He guided me to the bench that sat at the end of the bed before he removed my towel. He threw something on the bed before he helped dry me off. He gave my hair a quick once over before he threw the towel in the direction of the bathroom. He then sat me on the bench before he moved to our closet. He came back out a moment after with one of his old t-shirts and a pair of my underwear. He helped me put them on before he got on the bed behind me.

At first I was confused about what he was doing but then I felt the familiar feeling of the hairbrush moving through my hair. First on the ends before he worked his way up, just like my mom did.

'One day your mate will be doing this for you' my mother's voice echoed in my mind. I felt the tears slow before they completely stopped.

I felt like I was back home for just a moment.

When he finished brushing my hair he tossed the brush on the bench. I sat in my own thoughts while I waited for him to say something but he didn't. I heard him move around behind me on the bed before he grabbed me and pulled me onto the bed. I was laid on the black blanket we kept on the end of the bed made of fleece, he wrapped it around me so I was a blanket taco before he pulled the covers over me. He placed a kiss on my forehead before he got up to turn off all the lights.

It didn't take long for him to crawl back into bed, when he did he pulled me to his chest.

"I love you," I mumbled into his chest.

"I love you too," he whispered and then sleep took me.