if you're going to hold me,
then hold on to me tightly;
wrap me up in a cocoon,
embrace my body fully
until our bodies fit into each other
like puzzle pieces.
if you're going to carelessly throw
your arm over me
after I have to beg you three times over
to embrace, cuddle and hold me –
then please, just don't hold me at all.
If I climb into your car
after not seeing you all day
and try to engage in meaningful conversation,
after you've asked me about my day
or why I look like a storm has passed over me;
and you turn the music louder
to drown out my voice,
if you'd rather listen to music
than the sound of my voice –
then please, don't talk to me at all.
If I need your attention and love,
if I have the need to feel your embrace,
kiss, love, hug
after we settle ourselves on your bed;
and you turn to your phone
rather than capturing the moment with me,
rather look at some picture
or listen to the sound of some car –
then please, don't settle into the bed next to me.
If all I desire
is one day a week
devoted to our relationship,
devoted to our love and memories;
and you cannot even grant me that,
you'd rather spend the day
with yet another car,
another person,
another phone –
then please, do not even
bother to have me there with you.
If showing up on time,
if setting work aside
for just one Saturday,
per month,
is too much to ask of you –
then please, do not give me
the false notion
that I am a priority to you.
If putting money aside
for just a date or two,
rather than spending it on
another one of your cars
or supplements you ever use
is just not possible for you;
if our journey means
so little
to you –
then please, find someone
for whom that will suffice.
If showing up on time,
or maybe a half hour earlier
is too much of a stretch for you,
is too impossible to even imagine for you;
if showing an ounce of regret
for never being on time,
always making me wait
even when we are together
is too difficult to fathom –
then please, don't bother to show at all.
If you say
that you'll put in more effort
and take me on more dates
and cuddle me more at night
and appreciate my body more
if I lost all this extra weight;
if you can't d all that
looking as I do now,
if my weight is even a factor
in the amount of love you have
and give to me –
then please, find a woman
who appeals to your penis more
than I do.
If I sit in the car
right next to you,
tears silently streaming down my face
and whispering I wish I could
turn away from you,
almost actually really walking away;
and you sit there with your innocent smile,
saying you know I'll never go through with it,
and it doesn't even shift your perspective
even a tiny ounce,
making you put in more of an effort –
then please, walk away for the both of us
Because as you said,
I am too weak to do it myself
and I am in a dead relationship
with merely small bursts of happiness and liveliness.
If you can't give me the love I deserve,
the love you promised me,
the love you gave me in the beginning of this relationship –
then please, end this relationship while there is still love,
before we grow to resent each other for the people
we aspired to be, but could never live up to.
YOU ARE READING
A Series Of Events
PoetryI've found that I am most comfortable in discomfort and chaos, as opposed to serenity and happiness; probably because this broken part of me is all I've ever known. love, turmoil, desperation, infatuation, betrayal, death. these poems will contain...
