Flowers Are My Feelings

4

Junho jolted awake, his shirt drenched in sweat.

Forcing himself to breath, he took one slow breath. Then another. And another.

And another.

He starts couching as his heart finally calms down. Eunsang was sleeping in another room, he bit down on his hand to muffle the violent coughing. This time, he could feel the flowers itching in his throat, petals forcing their way up. He coughed again, biting down hard enough to pierce skin.

Junho succeeded calming down the coughing, only some flowers and slipped past his lips. Thankfully, Eunsang hadn't woken up either and he took a shaky breath as he eyed the wound on his arm. Cursing lowly, he made his way out of bed and quietly slipped into the bathroom.

Opening his phone, he looked at the time.

4.02 am.

Seems like he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again after this.

|...|

Wooseok was another close friend of Seungwoo.

He had began to suspect the older did try setting him up on a blind date, which probably was Yohan's idea. He didn't want to try dating someone, nor did he feel any interest.

If Yohan only knew why.

He really was a strange person. Having his heart broken time after time, being weird enough to even feel things towards their boyfriends too. He was a coward after all.

If he had the courage to confess, he would do so.

But Junho knew he never had a chance anyways.

Small crushes weren't supposed to hurt like this.

Maybe that was his problem. He loved too much.

Maybe that's why he were meant to be alone.

"Hey, Noona?" His older sister turned her head towards him and smiled.

"What is it, Junho-ah?" The six year old boy giggled and climbed up on her bed, playing with his teddy bear as he watched her paint her nails. "What is 'love'?"

She smiled. "Love is many things, Junho-ah. One day, you will find a person so important that you will be willing to do anything for them."

"Even die?" The younger look terrified. His sister only smiled softly, humming a soft melody.

"How deep your love will go isn't something you can decide. You will experience much in life and sometimes it won't even be fair. Though, for me.." She tapped her fingers against the table, smiling as she tickled Junho. The young boy giggled loudly as he twisted around, rolling into the blankets.

"For me, love is when you can love the person fully without fear. To be happy as they smile at you, be on their side and are them laugh. That's what love is for your Noona." Junho's eyes sparkled as they looked up in the ceiling. His sister always liked to cover it with painted stars. Pretty, glittery, yellow stars painted with tenderness and happiness. That's what she always said. "However, love for you, my baby brother, is different."

"What? Why?" That wasn't a surprising question from him and his noona laughed.

"Love is different for everyone. Someone will sweep you off your feet, and that experience is yours alone." He looked confused, still holding the teddy near. The older giggled. "When you grow older, Junho-ah. You will understand everything."

He grew up. And still, he hated love.

What kind of love was it anyways if no one would love him back? If he still was not good enough?