Flowers Are My Feelings

1

Feelings are fatal...
Junho knew that. Yet, he was stupid enough to fall in love.

Not once, not even twice.

Where did I go wrong?

-

Junho's first love.
It started when he met Eunsang.
The boy were always energetic, cheerful and friendly. That was just his personality, how he always been.

They met in middle school. Junho had no friends, they always talked behind his back. His classmates didn't even bother including him in anything.

But they did talk. Whispers here and there, rumors spreading. About how he was like a robot. How his personality were cold, how quiet he was all the time.

He pretended he didn't know.

When Eunsang first started, he had given up on making friends. He was acting cold towards everyone, even rude so they would leave him alone. It would be better if he had kept being by himself, then and now.

Eunsang was introduced to the class. The boy grew fast popular and after a few weeks, he had befriended all classmates. Who wouldn't like the sunshine boy with jokes and friendly smiles?

Junho kept himself outside of it. It wasn't his business and he certainly didn't need it. No one knew he had friends outside school anyways. No one wanted to talk to the rude boy who liked to be alone.

One day when he was sitting under the cherry tree alone, Eunsang came. The taller sat under the tree beside him, looking at the flowers.

He remembered how the boy was trying to start a conversation. Junho just ignored him but still, the boy kept on stubbornly. He followed him always after that and tried to befriend him.

In the end, Junho couldn't help but find this boy somewhat interesting. How did Eunsang see the world so bright all the time?

At first, he was always annoyed by the younger, wondering why Eunsang bothered. He only pitied him for sure and that made him hate him more.

Then, Eunsang revealed his own hardships.

He wasn't so innocent after all. The sadness in Eunsang's eyes still broke Junho's heart, even today. In the end, he began talking to him.

They came to understand each other. Chatting more, beginning to care for each other.

Soon, without thinking, he started to hang out more and more with Eunsang. He would always come to the boy for help, share his deepest secrets. And in return he would do the same for the other. Perhaps even more.

Eunsang was his first true friend in middle school.

_

Junho coughed. Locking himself into the toilet, he could feel how it was slowly forcing it's way up his throat. His whole body shook as he coughed harder, collapsing beside the toilet.

He threw up into the toilet, hands gripping tightly around it. He felt the tears swell up as he remembered. The blood on his lips were hard to ignore.

The past was always so much easier.

Another cough and a red daisy slipped past his lips. He looked at the lonely  flower, how it landed on the floor, almost looking at him. His sobs filling the quiet bathroom.

For once, he was happy Eunsang wasn't home.

He wouldn't have to witness this.

Junho always liked daisies. Especially red daisies. Red meant love, passionate love. But, it also meant danger and violence.

He closed his eyes.

If he had only stopped himself from falling in love.

Daisies. Daisies meant innocence and purity. They were pretty in their own little ways and he always smiled when he saw them. They symbolized humility and always a common flower in the community.

Just like him.

He knew he was ordinary. He was just him, common and an outcast. Nothing was really so special with him. The only thing people ever saw about him was how robotic and quiet he was.

I have feelings. I have a heart.

Smiling sadly, he touched his tear strained face. No one ever saw him like this anyways. Maybe they just didn't care enough to ask him, ask him for real if he was ok.

They never noticed. He was used to pretending by now. Hanahaki Disease was fatal, maybe it happened to him for a reason.

He's the moon. Earth needs the sun to survive and so the moon. But the sun would always be more important to Earth than the moon.

Who was he kidding? No one would ever love him back. He gave too much and always payed the prize. Laughing lifelessly, he picked up the daisy.

I have feelings.

_

"Eunsang?"

The red haired boy looked up from his phone.

"Yeah?"

A pause of silence. Young Junho looked sadly at his friend.

"Do you promise to always be there for me?"

Eunsang laughed.

"Of course! You promise me the same right?"

Junho smiled and nodded.

"I promise."

_

Eunsang wasn't here. And he was suffering, slowly dying alone. No one was there to catch him.

He drowned.