Flowers Are My Feelings

12

Hyeongjun felt like shit.

So did the others too apparently. Dohyon were the only one in class, barely making out of there before he started outright sobbing.

The memories of Junho's blood and shaking body flashes by in his head.

Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Junho's glossed eyes, mumbling sorry all over again.

It wasn't your fault.

He wanted to grab the older and yell it in his face.

Yohan and Eunsang looked the worst. None of them had slept, the worry for their friend keeping them awake.

So did the doctor's words and memories from Junho's attacks. He looked away, down on his hands.

All of them decided to have a movie night, just to see if their presences calmed each other. It didn't feel the same without Junho. It never had these past months.

The surgery would be over anytime soon. Hangyul kept glancing on the clock, unable to settle down. His heart felt heavy and cold, like it was weighting him down and making it harder for him to breathe.

Junho must've had hard time breathing.

Those horribly beautiful flowers burned inside his head and he couldn't decide whatever to hate daisies or not. Would they still be Junho's favorite after this?

Seungyoun squeezed his hand as Seungwoo put on some kdrama in the background, knowing only some of them would actually watch it.

Dohyon and Dongpyo sat tucked close, but always ready to jump up as they stared at the door. They were all waiting for Jungeun's call.

She agreed on letting them meet Junho as fast as he was recovering from the surgery. Wooseok could not be more grateful. Noona smiled so friendly at them it made him wonder why she didn't blame them for putting her younger brother in there.

"It's not your fault, Wooseok-ah."

Still, they could've done more. He remembered Junho's panicked state the night he collapsed. The terrifying imagines of a struggling pale boy, looking lifeless but still managing to smile so strongly.

He was an idiot for believing Junho were strong on his own. The rumors finally got to him in the end.

Minhee didn't now how his body could relax. Maybe it was some kind of daze, he felt numb and monotone.

The worry was gnawing inside of him, all whirled you emotions that where ready to burst when the bubble got too big.

He could do nothing but feel hollow inside. Maybe he really was that pathetic. He knew Junho must've been through a far worse pain than they ever would.

Yet he was strong enough to shut his mouth and keep that mask on. Was he strong or weak?

He wondered if Junho always had that mask, even while being with them. All the times they laughed together, were they genuine? Or did he just tell himself things that weren't true?

The sound of Seungwoo's phone ringing made him flinch. Eunsang staggered beside him, immediately shooting up from his shrunken position on the floor together with Minhee and Wooseok.

Seungwoo stares on his phone, recognizing the caller ID before sighing and taking a deep breath. Here it goes, he guessed.

"Noona? Is everything alright?" He really couldn't help the nervous crack in his voice, all emotions built up in his chest as he could feel eight gazes burn on his skin.