Flowers Are My Feelings

9

"He told you guys..I was sick?" He nodded.

Jungeun sighed, frowning slightly. How long had her brother himself been sick? On how his friends reacted, it seemed like Junho hadn't told anyone, let alone even her.

She sat down, smiling slightly. "How about all of you sit down and hear me out?"

Yohan nodded, gestured to the other's to sit down. They had pushed all couches together in the nearly empty waiting room, all off them still waiting anxiously.

She had rushed here as fast she heard the news about her baby brother going into hospital. The main plan was to surprise him by secretly booking a flight to Seoul but she never expected a turn like this.

After hearing Seungwoo's story and explanation, she couldn't help but feel sad. She told them that Junho himself hadn't even told his family he was moving back.

They came to realize why he lied to them. All for hiding this...this disease.

Seungwoo was frozen in his spot as Junho's older sister smiled sadly.

Junho lied to them. Why?
Even if he was worried, he was also angry. Didn't Junho trust them?

But on the same time, he couldn't blame Junho. He just wished the younger let himself be helped, reaching out for them before all this happened. Junho didn't.

Maybe it was his fault. Their fault, for never noticing.

It made it worse that he knew exactly what Junho would say in a moment like this.

"I'm happy watching you guys hyung. You should go be happy with them." Foolish, selfless Junho.

The younger deserved happiness more than anyone. And now, he might not even be granted it. Was they going to be alright?

No, Junho weren't. He didn't know if their friendship would ever be the same again. The brunette went to the line where he would destroy himself so they wouldn't know.

Obviously Cha Jungeun didn't either know. Her shocked expression while they told her, her own story about why she was in Seoul...

Junho didn't tell anyone.

Somewhere in his heart, it broke him knowing the younger had all this on himself.

Jungeun sighed, looking unsure how to start.

"I guess, all of you boys are close right? You guys must've been shocked when he collapsed." Beside him, Yohan nodded tiredly.

It must be hard for both him and Eunsang. He couldn't imagine what pain the both of them went through right now. They had known Junho the longest and if he did tell anyone, it'd be them first. But he didn't.

That hurt them, obviously all of them. "He didn't even tell his own family. But I guess it made sense since..yeah."

Seungwoo straightened, attention on her as he held Yohan's hand.

"What my little brother told you was right. I was sick, so it's not so true anymore." Eunsang took a deep breath, eyes flickering on the door. His best friend seemed to have lied to him the entire time they knew each other.

"I'm sorry Sangie." A small smile tug on her lips, facing the red haired boy.

"I remember when Junho came home after talking to you. He seemed so happy and I realized you were his first friend ever." None of them dared to speak.

First time he had met the younger, well Junho was quiet. Kind of cold if you didn't know him as good as they did. The younger never told them about his hardships back in his childhood.

He was certain of why also and couldn't blame Junho.

Their Cha Junho was nothing people believed him to be. He was energetic and bubbly, always laughing with them and joking. Even before all this, he had hated when people whispered about them.

"Junho was six when I was diagnosed with a disease, one my parents first didn't think I'd survive." Minhee's lip seemed to quiver slightly, tears threatening to spill out.

"He visited new everyday. With the years, he also understood why I was in the hospitals so much. Junho-ah was always too mature for his age." She chuckled lightly.

"I never thought about it, but maybe that's why he despises hospitals that much." Their drinks arrived, Jungeun had insisted on them drinking something warm while listening.

It would still not calm down their anxiety, though. They thanked the delivery and payed before she continued.

"He was so happy when he met you and all of our family was happy for him. Then, when he met Yohan, my condition worsened." Yohan made no sound, squeezing his hand as Seungwoo silently tried to comfort him.

"You must've noticed right? Junho would always disappear after school, just to visit me on the hospital. The doctors didn't think I'd make it and neither did I. As an older sister, it's my duty to do the best for my younger siblings. I knew his exam were coming. So we made a deal. I always wanted to sing and preform but since I had this condition, it's be difficult." Oh. So that's why Junho studied music. Jungeun nodded as if she'd read their minds.

"He promised to bear both our dreams for us. We used to listen to music together all the time when I was bored in the hospital. Junho learned to love music and I believed his talent. I encouraged him to study hard and then go to Seoul."

"Which he did." Wooseok's voice were shaky. She nodded.

"He grew up so fast. At first, he didn't want to go even if he already got in. But I knew Eunsang and Yohan would be there for him so I pushed him more." The smile she gave the two of them were soft and warm.

Yohan wondered if he deserved that thankfulness, even for letting Junho fall apart like this. Seungwoo leaned closer as he whispered to his boyfriend that this wasn't his fault.

"A year after he left, I was released and diagnosed healthy. Of course I had been on the way to get better far before that." So that's where Junho suddenly disappeared to in the middle of spring two years ago.

"I was so happy. I fought for my life and survived, I'm even proud over my little brother. But then this came. I...never expected Junho to end up like this." She sounded like she wanted to cry too, but something held her from it. The dark haired boy realized she was really stronger than all of them.

"I just wished he had told me. But that's just what all of us had wanted, did we?" Jungeun sighed.

"I'm sorry. We..didn't take care of him so well, did we?" He flinched at Seungyoun's words. Their grim expressions reflected how he felt, all of them blaming themselves for never noticing. Jungeun shook her head, smiling reassuring.

"It's never your fault. Junho wouldn't want you to blame yourselves either. For now, we just have to stay strong for him." A shaky breath as she set down her coffee, the ticking clock echoing in the large room.

I'm sorry.

Seungwoo hopes it was going to be alright.