Flowers Are My Feelings

11

Dohyon couldn't concentrate on the lesson.

Yesterday they had bid Junho's noona a goodbye before heading to their dorms one by one.

He crashed in bed immediately, mumbling a good night to Wooseok before sleep pulled him under.

Only a few hours later he had risen up to go to class again.

This time, there was this heavy knot in his chest. Knowing his Junho hyung was going through surgery wrecked his nerves, making him all antsy.

If it had been an exam, he'd be fucked. At least he would just go through the day before heading back home to sink into his boyfriends arms.

Something Junho would never experience.

His heart clenched tightly and Dohyon felt himself already hating the time. He hated how they had to wait for the brunette.

He wish Junho could've told them everything. But truth was, would they be able to help him anyways?

Dohyon was a fool, just like everyone else.

Junho had been so secretive about it, even risking his own life. The hyung taht helped him with his own relationship, the one who always smiled when he watched his friends.

Of course they were so blind, never noticing how broken Junho was inside. He wondered who the other really was behind that mask of lies and fake smiles.

They knew him, right? He showed the real him at least long time ago..right?

Dohyon had so many wishes and regrets. He just wished they could make him happy like he would always be there for them.

They failed to do the same in return. They failed to protect their friend.

Dohyon wished....yeah, all these wishes.

The blonde had missed Junho these last weeks. Never in his imagination, he could have guessed this.

Fingers dig into his jeans as Dohyon tried not to cry in the middle of the lesson. The last thing he wanted right now was the attention.

Just how long had Junho suffered?

•|•

Eunsang didn't understand.

How could he not notice his own best friend struggling? The redhead thought they told each other everything.

To be honest, he felt hurt when he found out. Does this mean Junho never really trusted him enough?

He would always come to the older and they would always talk about their struggles together. Why would Junho lie to him, especially about this?

Eunsang blames himself more than he felt hurt. He was supposed to be Junho's best friend and yet he even failed at that.

All these years, Junho even never told him about his sister's health. He never told him he grew up like that.

Junho was a quiet kid. Eunsang knew him the best, it was just Junho being shy.

But do you really know him the best?

Eunsang knew he already understood. Junho were never the one they thought. He locked himself away and broke down behind those walls he built. That's why he didn't bother changing those whispers about him.

Maybe all those words actually went inside his head. Maybe Junho had repeated those words to himself, weakened by it.

He wanted to save the older. Was it too late?

Junho. Shy, friendly Cha Junho.

An ugly sob slipped past his lips. You aren't a robot.

Can you hear me?

Please forgive me.

Junho couldn't hear him now.

Eunsang rubbed his eyes furiously, gripping his hair. The soft click of the door closing was ignored by the male as he curled himself further on the mattress.

Minhee said nothing as the mattress dipped down, the shorter wrapping his body around Eunsang's.

The taller sobbed, slowly turning around to bury his face into his boyfriend's chest.

He will never be able to love again.

The doctor's words hit him harder today and he tightly gripped the material in front of him.

"I'm sorry I'm such a bad friend." Minhee shook his head, eyes glistening with tears as he patted Eunsang's hair.

"Don't ever think that way. None of us noticed. None of us could've h-helped." The room felt suddenly heavy and too cold.

Eunsang let out loud wails as Minhee silently cried, letting the taller hug him closer.

If Junho had seen this, he would wrinkle his face up and look sad as he tried to cheer them up. He wouldn't want them to be sad.

Junho would never let them suffer like that.

"I never saw it...even after all these years. I'm really worthless aren't I?" The blonde shook his head again, this time leaning on Eunsang for support.

They never predicted Junho to experience an unrequited love. Who could it even be? If he had noticed, maybe he could've helped. Of course Junho wouldn't have the courage himself.

Eunsang would do anything for his friend to be alright.

"I'm s-sorry. I'm s-so sorry-y.."

Minhee's face scrunched up and for the first time since he walked in, the shorter let out a small sob.