Zero Zero

4: live forever (if you've got the time)

I had always dreamed of running away from this place, but I had never actually considered doing it. because this place was filled with knowns. this place had rules, and I knew exactly what the reaction would be if I were to bend them. I knew how to sneak around and how to live on the edge of happy. 

or at least whatever morsel I could get. it was enough to get me this far, and I really didn't want to mess it all up.

"run away with me", he repeated with more urgency. looking into my eyes like his castle of hopes was crumbling right before his eyes. it killed me inside, but I had everything set out already.

"I can't." I said, holding my breath for an extended second. like it'd make it matter less. but still, I had to say it, "I just can't."

the brightness in his eyes dulled as a small part of each of us died. 

we both wanted to run. difference was, I knew it had to be that way. 

leaving was too dangerous. leaving held a world of unknowns. for all I knew, trying to leave would lead to a fate worse than death. 

I couldn't risk losing the safety-blanket of death.

he sighed and sat down on his bed. pulling a small metal rectangle out from under his mattress cover. it was unfamiliar and drenched my brain in pure curiousity. such a thing was rare here, but frank seemed to be surrounded in curiousities. 

this one was silver and fit in the palm of his hands, with a tiny screen. a black wire was plugged into it, split like a forked tongue somewhere near its halfway point, plastic nodules attached to each of the forked ends.

he looked down at the screen as he talked. and still I couldn't really see anything that was on the screen. just a little haze of light against his face and dancing like lightbulbs in his eyes.

it was so curious. 

but still, I didn't ask. a sadness held my tongue and told me not to speak. and I knew to listen.

"there's a whole world out there. a whole world that's much more beautiful than this stale place. full of things you'll never get to experience if you don't get out of here alive.", he said. 

he still didn't look at me. like he was going to cry, except there wasn't a singular tear in his eyes.

but there were in mine. the same strange sadness that had held my tongue now choked me. 

I just shook my head and struggled out an "I'm sorry".

"just-" he began. 

he chewed on the corner of his lower lip, like he was trying to put a hole through it with his canines. 

"don't be sorry, you don't need to, y'know? it's their fuckin' fault. just promise, you'll stick around 'til you need to go? I swear I'll make it worth it. I can tell you things about the world, even show you a few." he said, gesturing with that weird device.

and he said it all, like it really meant something else. something I couldn't discern. but I wanted it to remain a surprise, so I didn't ask. I quite liked the thrill, subtle as it was. it felt potent.

"okay. I promise." I said. 

it was the closest I could get to running away with him. without putting myself in that sort of danger.

he looked down again at the weird box and put one of the nodules into his ear.

"what is that?" I asked, letting the sadness melt away and the curiosity take hold.

"music." he said, grinning like a madman.

"what's music?" I asked. it was distantly familiar. probably something on our list of things to learn about in the upcoming months, something I'd never learn about in that capacity.