Zero Zero

15. a stranger loving world to die in

!!this chapter is mostly a long sex scene after the '--'. there isn't really necessary plot after the '--' so feel free to skip that part :)!!

we ran and ran until our legs began to tire. it had to have been a few miles that we'd ran. probably we were outside of montclair by now.

far enough to be safe enough, to stop.

far enough away.

the rain outside had stopped. the flooded streets had drained. left only a thin layer of water, reflecting the night sky. crescent moon and few stars that littered the sky, glittering across the tar-black street. like magic.

I had to admit, I must admit. it was a beautiful end to things, terrible as it was to end. 

couldn't help but to become enveloped in the moment. hopeless romantic, I guess. at least I was in the moment, for the way it made frank's eyes sparkle brightly. defeated and tired as they were, still having that defiant spark. 

that fire which burned quiet but bright under the deep blue sky.

"should we call ray?" frank asked, voice faltering only the slightest out of hesitation.

out of hesitation and out of breath. as I was.

I too was hesitant. ray had just put his ass on the line to save ours far too many times before.
and just now, he had again.

hell, even once was too many. cause we were talking about The Institution. 

"no" i said. a degree of hesitation still made its way in to soften the tone, despite the certainty that we couldn't. "we're making it out of this with no fucking blood on our hands."

because that'd be letting them win. I couldn't. or rather, wouldn't.

he nodded. understood the reasons, or at least the risk which we were putting ray at. 

at least, it seemed to me. after all, he was never one for taking the fallout seriously until it was staring him in the face. like the barrel of a fucking gun.

but maybe this was close enough to get him to keep him, from us, from throwing caution into the wind. I hoped, at least. and for then, that was enough.

I had crashed across the line, the line which frank had frequented so many times and gotten away. we hadn't tonight. once and then again. my caution was well and tucked tight into my nervous head. 

still secured despite our stillness in the now-calm night. after the storm.

it was strange, how my mind matched the atmosphere. wandering to wonder what I couldn't remember. what my mind had chosen I'd be better off not knowing, something beyond what the facility or I could control. 

but it was such a calm wander. like even what I didn't know couldn't reach me anymore. like leaving solved everything. like that veil being lifted, that daydream that I was safe at home, was the worst unknown my mind could conjure.

and now it was known. and now we could make a new okay again. 

even if it were in fleeting moments, on the run again, it could be real. properly real.

and mikey could be okay. with his track record, he was probably still alive. probably still avoiding his pills. still hanging on.

and we would all be okay. we would have to be.

I'd just have to keep my own damages to a minimum. try to live for as long as possible. to get mikey out and safe and okay. 

and for a second, the hope, the notion we'd all get out of this okay was so sweet. so saccharine.