Zero Zero

9: jukebox fuckups

the driver introduced himself as ray. we introduced ourselves as we knew ourselves to be, frank and g. he said it was a cool nickname. I didn't know what he meant, but went along with it. he explained how he'd exchanged his saturday afternoon for forty dollars, some free pizza and beer, and a favor to some of his friends. the trailer held some band equipment they'd snagged on the web for cheap, and a nice guitar ray had also managed to find cheap on the way out.

frank looked interested, like he was tempted to halt the van and hop into the trailer, but a nervous sort of shell sat thick over most of his excitement.

"maybe i'll be able to form a band." frank stated nervously, picking at hands. 

I didn't quite get why that was so nerve-wracking to say, though the nerves seemed to be more centered around whatever he was thinking.

"yeah, fucking do it!" ray said excitedly, "you already have the spirit, plus the guitar hands. you should do it."

he paused, like he realized something was off. my heart skipped a beat. perhaps we weren't actually safe from them at all. perhaps he actually knew, and perhaps he'd drive us right back to where we'd run from.

but the moment passed, and we didn't turn around, and he kept his trustworthy vibe about.

"do you guys have a plan or anything?" he asked. he sounded a mix of curious and concerned. "like, what are you doing? you headed anywhere in particular?"

"um, no plan." frank said, already sounding at-home in the van of this person we'd just met. "where are we?"

"right now?" ray asked, pausing to recall, to look at the green digital clock on the dashboard. "about an hour outside ithaca. pretty much nowhereland, as you could probably tell."

he said it with a humorous sort of bitter that reminded me of frank's humor sometimes. I thought, perhaps, it was a result of knowing your name. or at least there was some form of connection there. it seemed to make some level of sense, in my head. at least it did in that moment.

frank nodded at ray's answer. he seemed to know where ithaca was. 

I, on the other hand, was left in the dust again. it felt somewhat strange, to be an outlier for the exact opposite reason I'd been an outlier for all my remembered life. it didn't bother me much, though. I was too wrapped up in the buzzing of my own head. 

though, I was beginning to realize just how annoying my lack of any knowledge of the outer world was going to be. at least, once the buzzing stopped and i could feel real and proper in my own skin again. 

I just fear frank might end up annoying the living shit out of me as a result. I hoped he wouldn't, but the thought still gnawed at the back of my head. thank god my head was numbed enough not to feel it in that moment. it was the one upside of that buzzing. 

"so where are you headed?" frank asked in a jestful sort of pointed way. it felt so characteristic of him that it broke a part of me from the buzzing of my head, letting me crack a warm smile at his tone and his own happy mood.

"new york." ray answered with an amused smile, "manhattan, really. by the docks, where they have the ferry. if you're familiar with the area."

unlike ithica, I knew new york. at least, I knew of new york. it had showed up in my lessons at least twenty times before. I didn't know it like the back of my hand or anything, but I knew it enough to not feel so out of place in that car. 

I was glad to not feel out of place, and frank seemed glad that we were headed toward new york. which, in turn, made me more glad. enough to feel the relief through the haze that still remained from the pill, minimal as it was.