Pining for Paris/Jim Halpert

Chapter 3: Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls

October came quickly. The leaves changed from green to yellow to orange to red to brown, and the UScranton campus looked beautiful as ever. While the air was clear, my mind was cluttered. My talk with Jim had only been a few days ago, but thankfully the weekend was approaching. On Wednesday, I went to my English classes as per usual, met with my thesis advisor, graded papers as a T.A. for her classes. I sat in my favorite campus cafe and graded for hours, and at around 6pm, my phone buzzed with an unusual Scranton number. I was confused at first, and then my heart dropped — Jim.

I took a breath to calm my nerves before answering: "Hello?"

"Hi Paris — this is Jim."

"Jim!" I tried sounding surprised. "Hi. It's really nice to hear from you."

He chuckled a little on the other line; at just that sweet little sound, I could imagine is cheeky, goofy smile. "So, I'm having this party, barbecue on Friday night and I was wondering if you could come."

"I would love to," I smiled wide, unable to contain my happiness. A party! I hadn't been invited to parties with people my own age since I was an undergrad. "I can't wait, Jim."

"Awesome! I'll text you the details," he replied, and I hoped so much that he was just as excited to see me as I was to see him. "Have you thought any more about the sales position?"

"The sales position. Um, kind of? Sorry, it's been kind of a crazy week on campus, my advisor made me grade 150 papers today. I'm exhausted," I replied, as if I haven't been thinking about it since last Friday, when we talked. "I have a feeling though, that I'll know my decision by the weekend."

"Okay, Paris. Well I'll see you Friday, then."

"See you Friday."

He hung up promptly, and I felt so stupid. What was wrong with me? I needed money, fast, and I wanted this position, or I wanted to sit next to Jim every day and look in his dreamy green eyes and hear his voice and drink coffee with him, but I had no experience with sales, and things are still a little raw with my dad, not to mention the fact that a hot guy is not a good reason for accepting a job. And Jim had feelings for Pam; I made a promise to myself not to get involved until he's over her, but here I was ready to go to his party and daydreaming about his body under his clothes. I promised not to get involved.

I groaned into my coffee, rubbing my face. I wished my mom could tell me what to do.

On Friday, I didn't have any classes to worry about, so I spent the better part of the day thinking about this job decision. I didn't come to any new conclusions, only that I kept confusing myself over my feelings for Jim. But I was hungry, I was running out of money, and my superintendent shut my hot water off. I was struggling.

I tried not to think about it as the party got closer. I got dressed casually of course, wearing cuffed jeans and a UPenn sweatshirt tucked in with a belt. In my purse, I packed my cigarettes and a Virginia Woolf novel, because I'm not great at socializing. I just wanted to eat and smoke and talk to Jim and figure out my life.

I inhaled deeply as I sat in my car outside my apartment. I put my head on the steering wheel, sighing, trying to decide what to do. I made a promise to myself that I would know by the end of the night. Maybe Jim could persuade me some more; he did give me a lot of good reasons to take the job.

I put on The Beatles on my radio, loosening up to 'Penny Lane.' I was going to be fine! I was going to be okay. I was. I had to be.

I drove over to Jim's house, the address that he texted me. I picked up some beer on the way so I didn't show up empty handed and arrived at his house half an hour after the barbecue started. I parked my car in the street and took a deep breath. I was going to be okay.