Jim left the Monday after Casino Night. He didn't come into work in the morning, but I assume he came in later in the day to pack his things, probably to avoid me. When I got to work on Tuesday his desk was cleaned out, and then promptly refilled by the property of Ryan. Toby asked me beforehand if it was okay that Ryan join our clump, but I wasn't really worried about that. I knew that he was still afraid of my dad, and somehow I knew that Dwight would defend me if anything happened.
It was hard without Jim. Not only had we broken up, but he disappeared to Connecticut, running away to Stamford just like I told him too. That night was horrible; that dreadful night, the night he kissed my friend and the night I told him to leave, that I never wanted to see him again. My heart ached to think of the pain I caused him, to remember the hot tears rolling down his precious cheeks, cheeks I loved to kiss, wiped away by fingers I loved to play with by firelight. He was gone, and our relationship was over.
Pam and I didn't talk, of course. After Casino Night I could barely look at her, keeping as far away a distance away from her as possible. Thankfully, she didn't try to talk to me, which I appreciated. As the weeks passed and June came it became easier to see her, and we even started waving each other hello in the morning. Occasionally, I would catch myself looking at Jim's desk, where Ryan sat making sales calls, and I would feel my head pound and my eyes sting. I wanted to call him; even more, I wanted to drive to Stamford, declare my love like we were in a romantic comedy, confess my heart and say I'm sorry and that I want to try again. In my fantasy, I make a big scene in the Stamford office and he runs up to me, kissing me, telling me he'd hoped I'd come, that he loved me, that he couldn't live without me.
But he can, and he is. He's living right now without me, and I'm living without him.
And the worst part of our breakup was that everyone in the office knew about it. Michael wouldn't stop asking me if I felt 'sexually gratified' now that Jim was gone (even though Jim and I hadn't had sex) and kept making jokes about female masturbation. Even better, people kept commenting on how I was single now, how Jim "picked" Pam over me (which wasn't really true), and how Jim abandoned or left me. I mean, the circumstances of our breakup were bad enough, but the fact that once Michael said to me when I interrupted him, "Shut it, Paris, no wonder Jim left you," made everything so, so much worse. The pain was an aching kind, the type that was with me all the time. I couldn't help but run into the stairwell every once in a while, balling my eyes out, sliding down the wall into a fetal position, thinking of how Jim used to hold me.
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Pining for Paris/Jim Halpert
FanfictionIt happened very slow - he was nothing special either, but the way he looked at me reminded me of how I imagined my father looked at my mother when they first met. He had messy brown hair and a collared white shirt and blue tie. His eyes were wide-s...
