Pining for Paris/Jim Halpert

Chapter 14: Branch Closing

I ended up calling Nick. Not like a booty call, we haven't had sex yet or anything, but we'd gone on a couple dates since our double date with Kelly and Ryan. He was just as nice as he had been on that first date, always bringing me flowers (sometimes chocolates) and looking nice. More importantly, he was patient with me. I told him about Jim, how I still love him, and he nodded and held me on my couch. I didn't think I'd ever met somebody as patient as Nick; he never got angry, he never yelled, he always kept his cool, even when I could tell he was frustrated with me. And on our dates, I was very careful not to choose places Jim and I had gone to before, so by a month into the relationship with Nick, I had eaten at every place in Scranton.

It was nice, though, I was having fun. There were times where I completely forgot about Jim, on one of Nick and I's dates. We would drink and get all silly and make dumb jokes and dance in my living room. He was actually really great to hang out with: he couldn't hold his liquor at all, he was a ridiculous dancer, he had great taste in music, he was a good listener, and he didn't care much about how he looked. He was the perfect friend, and a great date. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with him or anything like that, but our nights were fun, they were relaxing. He cared about me, and it was nice to be around a person like him every once in a while.

At work, things were just okay. Jim was still gone and that still sucked, but I was getting used to sitting next to Ryan. Every once in a while I would say hi to Pam, which was a nice development. Of course, she and I hadn't kindled our friendship or anything, but she gave me a kind smile every once in a while, which was nice. When Jim left, I dipped a little in my sales record, which sucked. I was totally unfocused, but at least I wasn't losing too many clients.

It was a Friday — in the morning, I had breakfast with Nick around 7:30am, which was actually really nice. Sometimes (when I give him the green light of course), he comes over in the morning and wakes me up to the smell of coffee and breakfast. I swear, he is so nice. I can't think of anyone who would get up at 7am just to come and make me breakfast and kiss me awake.

I drove to work feeling ready for the day, charged for selling paper to clients. In the morning, Jan came in, and then went into Michael's office. I heard some groaning in there, which wasn't uncommon with Jan's visits, but Michael sounded like he was in pain. I furrowed my brows and looked at Pam, who shrugged. Eventually, Jan left, and Michael talked to the cameras a bit in his office. After walking around a little bit, Michael ended up at reception. I couldn't really hear what he was saying, but eventually Michael turned around.

"Listen up, everybody, I have some news." He sighed, leaning forwards in agony, "It's over. We are screwed. Dunder Mifflin Scranton is being shut down."

"Michael, uh," Toby interjected from across the room, "We shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made."

"You knew about this all along, didn't you?" Michael asked blankly, his face red.

"Jan told me just minutes before she told you."

"Traitor," He muttered, pointing to Toby. "You are a traitor."

After Angela asked if we still have jobs, he said probably not and called Toby into his office. I swiveled my chair back to my desk, looking at my papers blankly. Our branch was closing? I mean, I didn't know we were doing that bad as a whole, I thought it was actually okay. I wondered momentarily if it was partially because my numbers dipped. Obviously, that was ridiculous of me to think, but who knows?

I looked around the room. Everyone was mostly shocked; Kelly was crying, Ryan saying something about business cards, and the whole room was honestly just depressing. But as I looked around I thought about the connections I made here, the friendships... if I was fired, who would I leave behind? Who would I keep at a friend?

And you know what? The only true, honest answer that came to my mind was Jim. I mean, I loved Phyllis, and I would definitely see her again if I was fired because she was dating my dad, but Kelly wasn't very nice to me most of the time and my friendship with Pam had dissolved. It was Jim. It was all Jim. I knew what I had to do.

I grabbed my coat and my purse, coming up with a story about a client in my head. I opened Michael's door, said his name and pointed to the exit of the office, and he said, "just go."

So I did. I got in my car and found directions for Stamford, Connecticut.

It was a long drive; two and a half hours worth of internal conflict of Should I turn around? What if he doesn't want to see me? What if this is a huge mistake?

And then I would think back to when I found about the branch closing, and the people I would keep and leave behind. Jim is my answer, my only answer. I'm in love with him, and I have been for almost a year. I loved him, I loved him before our first date, our first kiss, before all of that. He is my beginning, and goddamn it, he had to know that. He had to know. He had to know how I felt, that I never should have told him to go to Stamford. All of the things I never should've said.

Eventually, I pulled into the parking lot of the address I found online. It was a pretty modest building, it was cute, but something in me couldn't go in. I couldn't even leave my car; I was terrified, scared of what Jim would say to me. What if he rejected me? I didn't know if I could take that kind of pain.

So I sat in my car, tears in my eyes. I arrived there around noon, and it was approaching 12:30.

"Goddamn it, Paris, just leave the car. Just open the door," I said to myself, closing my eyes. "Just do it."

But I couldn't. I opened my eyes again, so frustrated with myself. I was such a fucking coward.

And then, there he was — across the parking lot, walking hand in hand with a woman with brown hair. She was really pretty, and they were laughing and smiling. He looked the same as he had two months ago, wearing a dress shirt that I used to love, a pretty cream color. I watched him from my car, his bouncing shoulder bag, his perfect smile. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. When they reached the building, she turned to him and kissed him quickly, and they opened the lobby doors, and he was gone.

He was with someone else. Of course he was; he was a catch. Tears rolled out of my eyes, and I was breathing heavily. How stupid of me. Of course he was with someone else; but I couldn't help but wonder how long it had been before he started dating her; if he told her about me, or about Pam; if he was still in love with me. I was still in love with him but I was dating Nick... maybe this woman was his Nick. Maybe.

Or maybe not. Maybe it really was over between the two of us, and he was happy with her, and I was the one reaching out to someone who no longer cared about me.