Pining for Paris/Jim Halpert

Chapter 16: The Merger

The day that the Stamford Branch merged with Scranton was a downright awful one. It was a Wednesday, so at least I got to leave early, but the entire day was like a repeated punch in the gut. In the morning, I got to the office early in attempt to catch up on some of my work in order to make some time for the Stamford people. I spent the entire morning anxious, rubbing my hands, trying to breathe through the darting thoughts inside of my brain. My mind felt like it was on fire, embers exploding and shooting in every direction. I could barely focus on my work, but I did my best. I told myself everything was going to be okay.

People started trickling in, and Michael made multiple announcements about the Stamford people coming that day, as if any of us could forget. Ryan was getting uncomfortable by how much I was glancing over at his seat, where Jim might fill when he got back. I was breathing deeply, imagining what it would be like to sit next to him again.

Around 9:30, the Stanford people started rolling in. I saw the woman whom Jim was kissing in the parking lot, and I felt my anxiety rise to my chest. She was much prettier up close, with long, flowing dark hair and tanned skin. She had a beautiful smile, and I learned her name was Karen Fillipelli. I think she knew who I was when she saw me; not from the parking lot, but from Jim's mentioning or description of me. She came up to my desk, smiling, holding out her hand for me to shake.

"Hey, you're Paris, right?"

"Uh, yeah, that's me."

"Yeah, Jim told me about you, I'm Karen. I hope things aren't weird between us, I just want everything to be totally professional, you know? That's how Jim feels too, because he's dating me now."

I looked at her, a little surprised at her passive aggressive tone. She was smiling, perfectly nice, but she really didn't seem to like me, which only hurt even more as I wondered what Jim said about me.

"Of course, I'm glad to be working with you, Karen," I replied, sitting back in my chair, trying not to show her how much her tone bothered me. She cleared her throat and walked away to her desk, starting to unpack her things. In my mind, I decided that Karen was kind of a bitch, but I couldn't figure out if that was due to the interaction we'd just had or to the fact that Jim was with her and not me. I inhaled, repeating, everything was going to be okay.

And suddenly, there he was; a crisp dress shirt, a maroon tie, a leather shoulder bag and a small smile. He looked pretty much the same as he did in the Spring, and my heart skipped a beat. He saw me before he saw anybody else; he looked at me for a moment before turning to reception when Pam said his name. They hugged, and I saw Jim's bright smile again, the one that used to make my knees buckle. Now, it just felt like a punch.

Jim said hi to everyone around the office, and I think he got to me last on purpose. He leaned against Ryan's old desk, tapping his fingers on mine while I was pretending to do work and hadn't been watching him around the office. I looked up at him, trying not to seem like I was waiting for him to come talk to me.

"Paris," he muttered, and I closed my eyes for a second, sucking in the moment. It had been so long since he'd said my name. I stood up, meeting his height.

"Jim," I said back, a little breathlessly. I straightened my cardigan and looked back up into his eyes. "How are you?"

"Um, I'm good, I think," he replied, putting his hands in his pockets. "I'm glad to be back."

"I'm..." I began, unsure of whether I should say my next thought. "I'm glad you're back too. Actually, I should've never —"

"Okay, everybody! Conference room, now!" Michael yelled suddenly, giddy with excitement over our newcomers. Jim looked over at me with sad eyes.

"Paris, I'm sorry, but I can't talk to you about this. Sorry, just, I can't." He shrugged, looking down and then at me with wet eyes.

"Jim —"

"Just, no, okay?" He turned and walked into the conference room, and it felt a little like he left all over again. I felt this pang in my chest and my eyes dot with tears, so I grabbed a tissue and my water bottle before finding a seat in the conference room, as far away from Jim and Karen as I could. Everything was going to be okay, I kept telling myself like the idiot I was.

The meeting started boring. Michael was saying something about leadership and connection and how our merger was like a marriage between Stamford and Scranton, which for me personally made this Jim situation even more uncomfortable. He then looked at Jim and Karen holding hands across the room, his mouth open, gasping.

"Wait, are you — are you two dating?"

"Um, Michael —" Jim began, pulling his hand away from Karen's.

"No, Michael, Jim and Paris are dating," Kevin added. Jesus Christ.

"No, Kevin, they broke up months ago, idiot, because Jim left Paris to go to Stamford because she told him to," Michael clapped back, rolling his eyes as Kevin's misconception. What the hell was this meeting turning into?

"Wait, I thought Paris and Jim broke up because Jim kissed Pam — " started Meredith, confused.

"Wait! Jim kissed Pam while he was dating Paris?!"

"Okay, guys, this is really inappropriate," Pam defended, looking out at the conference room disapprovingly.

"You would know, slutbag," Kelly scoffed.

"Kelly! Oh my god."

"Yeah, too far Kelly, Jesus."

"Too far? Jim cheated on Paris and now shows up with goody Ms. Pantsuits —"

"Kelly, stop!"

"Wait, so Jim, three different women in this office are all in love with you right now?" Kevin questioned before smiling, satisfied. "Nice."

"Jim, how did you do that?" Michael muttered in a low voice towards Jim.

"Okay, everybody," Jim called out over the conflicting voices, clearing his throat, clearly uncomfortable. "I think that's enough. Keep in mind that not everything you hear is true, and even if it was, it's really nobody's business except the people involved, so how about we just move on, okay?"

"Jim, so you're with Karen now, right?" Kevin continued. I put my head in my hands, in complete disbelief that this was still happening.

"Yes, Kev," Jim sighed.

"Damn, that's an upgrade from the last one."

The last one. That's what I was. The last one.

"Kevin!"

"Kevin, you idiot, Paris is way hotter than Karen," Michael argued, winking at me like he did me a service.

"So then why is Jim dating Karen and not Paris? And not Pam, who is also hot --"

"Kevin, pay attention. Jim and Paris broke up because Jim kissed Pam, and then abandoned Paris to go to Stamford, where he met Karen."

"Ohhhh."

Tears stung my eyes. I couldn't take this meeting anymore, so I tried to quietly leave the room before the tears began running down my cheeks. An upgrade from the last one? I covered my mouth and grabbed my purse and my coat from my desk, trying not to let the sobs escape my throat. I heard someone saying my name, maybe it was even Jim, but I couldn't look back. I could barely see through my watered vision. Everything was not going to be okay: everything was fucked.