We'll always have Paris (CLEXA AU)

Chapter 34: Shaken faith

On the morning of Halloween, Lexa woke up to a text from Clarke, wishing her a good morning and also letting her know how excited she was to watch her interview on The Ellen show. She had written to her about how she had been anxiously waiting for Raven and Octavia to arrive before the Halloween party so they could watch it together.

A week ago, when they were shooting the interview, Lexa had told Clarke that it had gone well, but chose not to go into details about it or about how Gary, her manager, had a little talk with her before the show. He had strongly advised her to avoid talking about her personal life, but knowing Ellen, that would've been pretty much impossible, so instead he suggested that she presented herself as a strong, career-oriented woman who had absolutely no time for dating. That way, her fans wouldn't lose interest in her, especially the male fans, who would've been devastated otherwise, and on the other hand, the female fans from the lgbtq community would still keep their hope that Lexa might play on their team.

Lexa could never understand why some public person's dating life should matter anyway and she had decided early on in her career that she wouldn't reveal a lot about herself in an attempt to protect not only herself, but also the people closest to her. For her it was never about her sexual orientation, as she felt that she had nothing to be ashamed of, in fact she would've loved to be able to be openly gay, but the sad truth was that for a young actress like her it would've been a lot more difficult to succeed if she had come out of the closet. At least that's what everyone always said and that was the example that many gay celebrities had set before her.

Were there homosexual celebrities who were out and succesful? Of course. But pretty much all of them revealed their sexual orientation only after they had become famous. It would've been a lot easier for Lexa to come out after she had been the protagonist of a world-renowned vampire franchise movie, with good scripts flying her way on a daily basis and the best directors lining up to work with her. Or if she had had her own talk show and a sitcom or if she had been the star of an Oscar-winning comedy-drama film about a pregnant teenager who decides to have the baby and gives it up for adoption to a character played by Jennifer Garner.

But no, Lexa was just a 26-year old Australian actress, getting her first recognition for playing a role in a drama series that still hadn't reached its full potential and had only recently had an increase in the number of viewers, mostly after winning an Emmy for Lead actress.

It was quite the shock waking up the next morning and seeing that the number of followers on her social media accounts had doubled in a matter of hours after the event. And by the end of October she had about 10 million followers all together and it felt pretty exciting and scary at the same time.

The last month had been a real roller coaster for Lexa, shooting in Vancouver all day long, looking over some scripts at night for a few films that had been offered to her, deciding which way she would like her career to go from there and thinking about her next big step.

It all happened all of the sudden and there were so many changes in such short period of time, although there was one thing that had remained the same.

Her love for Clarke.

It was pretty much the only thing that was a constant in her life and she wouldn't have had it any other way.

And now Clarke was going to watch her talk on national television about how she was not looking for a relationship and was perfectly happy being single. She knew it was probably not the best idea keeping it from Clarke for a whole week, but then again, she wasn't quite sure how to start a conversation like that. They hadn't even talked about their future as a couple, it was in fact something that Lexa had been actively avoiding.