After Death | Bucky Barnes(Republished)

I'll Fix It

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"Bucky." I tried to say, but his grip only tightened, "Please... James." I pleaded. 

      I saw fear in his eyes as he realized what he was doing; he let go at once, taking his weight off mine so I could slip away. I rolled over to my stomach as I coughed, pushing myself up with my hands. i stood on my knees after I caught my breath, I turned my head to face him. I was greeted with his sad eyes as he remained on his knees.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

    He sat on the floor leaning his back against the couch, he pulled his knees up, leaned his elbows on his knees, and placed his face in his hands. I knew I couldn't blame him, I knew everything he had been through- what had been done to him. I crawled over to him, taking a seat next him on the cold tile to his right; but he didn't seem to notice. his blue eyes were focused on something far away.

"Bucky..." I spoke softly, "It's okay."

"I could have killed you." his harsh whisper cut through the silence, "That is not okay, that won't ever be okay."

"But you didn't." I feebly tried to lighten the mood. 

"I'm sorry." he repeated. His eyes were sad. They were no longer the same eyes I had seen when I had first met him. That shy smile just an echo in the darkness. 

"I understand" I said, placing my hand on his. He stared at my hand on his for several seconds as if trying to understand it, then suddenly turned his body to face me.

"I'm not afraid of you." I whispered as i looked into his eyes. I barely knew this man, but something about him made me know I could trust him. He examined me carefully, reaching out with his warm fingers, carefully touching my face. My eyes flickered from his and down to his lips which now inches from me. I felt my heart pounding so hard in my chest; I was positive he could hear it. I closed my eyes as his lips brushed mine, I felt him take a deep breath. 

"I don't want to hurt you." He pulled away. He dropped his hand and stood up in one quick motion. I felt hurt as I watched him walk away, he looked back at me as he placed his metal hand on the door.

"I'm sorry." he repeated, pushed the door open and left.

        I sat in silence, unsure of how to react, I tried to convince myself it would be a mistake if anything happened between us. I'm not here for romance, I'm here because Coulson needs me. Nothing happened and that's for the best. I walked down the hall and opened the door to my room, I closed it softly behind me, I crawled into bed and tried to forget everything.

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     The next morning I walked to the bathroom to shower, wrapping myself in a white towel as I stepped out of the shower. I wiped the fog off the mirror with my hand, glancing at my reflection in the mirror, I looked once more to convince myself I wasn't seeing things. Dark bruises on my neck stood out vividly. 

I reached up feeling my tender bruises; I knew people would ask questions. The last thing I want is to attract attention to this matter. I wanted to forget everything that happened. I got dressed and brushed my hair, then I carefully covered the bruises with make up until they were no longer visible. 

I walked the hall again and through the doors and was greeted with the usual chatter of the group. i noticed Bucky watching me silently as I entered.

"Y/n, breakfast is ready, I saved you a seat." Natasha smiled widely at me, I walked to were she sat as she patted the seat next to her... and Bucky. I sat down and started eating silently, listening to Nat make old people jokes about Steve and almost choking at some of the things she would say.

  ■■■  

     Hours later I stood in my room, changing into my black leggings, sports bra, tank top, and shoes. I tied my hair in a high pony tail and made sure none of my bruises showed. I met up with Nat in the large clearing of the weight room. We started using the punching bag, practicing kicks and showing each other new tactics.

"So what's going on with you and Bucky?" she asked, catching me off guard.

"What's that suppressed to mean?" I frowned as I adjusted my hand wraps.

"I think you know what I mean." she said.

"Nothings going on." I answered.

"At first you two were all smiley and buddy-buddy. Today you were like two strangers." she said. 

"Nothings going on." I repeated. Just then Coulson pushed the doors open, letting himself in.

"I'm splitting you two up. Romanoff, I'm sending you in with Cap, I want you two to take care of a base. Here are the coordinates, he said turning on a projection on the wall, "Y/n, I need you and Barnes in this base here." he pointed at another location, "I need you to get in and extract information to this, quietly." he tossed me a flash drive, I caught it and fumbled with it in my hand.

"Do the guys know whats going on?" Nat asked.

"Yes, I've already explained it to them." Coulson answered. 

"When do we leave?" I asked.

"First thing tomorrow." Coulson nodded.

      He left and let us get a closer look at the map. I played with the projection enlarging areas of the map and turning it from different angles.

"You gonna be okay with him as your partner?" Nat echoed my thoughts. I groaned and rubbed my face with more force than necessary.

"I'll fix it." I said, leaving the room in my exercise clothes and hand wraps. I caught a glimpse of his familiar outline as I turned the corner to our rooms. I knocked on his door but there was no answer.

 "We need to talk." I said as I knocked again, "I know you're there" 

'How are we supposed to complete this mission if he just shuts me out?' I thought. 

"I'm really stubborn, I can stand here and pound on this door for as long as it takes." I said. 

Nothing. 

I groaned and hit my forehead against the door and leaned on it with my hands,

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" I said.

To my surprise the door opened, I stumbled forward, thankfully I managed to regain my balance and didn't fall. 

"A snowman- what are you talking about?" he frowned. 

"It's from- never mind" I shook my head, "Coulson said he talked to you about tomorrow?"  

"Yeah, about that.." he scratched the back of his head with his metal arm, the other still resting on the door. 

"You can't pretend I don't exist." I said to him.

"We can't pretend I didn't almost kill you." he said to me, I didn't know how to respond, "Maybe you should go with Nat tomorrow." 

"Coulson already assigned us, it's too late to change now." I said. He ran his right hand through his hair and sighed.

"Alright." he said.

"Good." I replied, expecting more of a fight, "Let me take a shower and then we'll go over the plans." I turned on my heels and walked two doors down to my room.

Published July 12, 2015

Republished April 13, 2016