Lights! Camera - ; Tyrus

Act 3

Cyrus

I know it sounds Cliche, and very much like a romantic movie, but I wrote TJ Kippen notes. And He wrote notes back to me.

It was a fun game at first, before we were even together. TJ didn't have many classes with me, but when he did, I made it my solemn goal (and because I was completely in love with him) to help him with anything he needed.

Really small stuff like: "What was the little numbers on question 4?" Or "Is the homework due this Wednesday or next?"

He never cheated off my work. I never gave him a straight answer (though it would be impossible for me to do so anyway)

Then he started writing me notes. Unrelated to any work.

Sometimes it was really simple doodles of anything under the sun; basketballs, dinosaurs, one time he drew this flower that was on the teachers desk. He wasn't an artist, but he knew how to make me smile. So I saved all of those notes.

No I didn't put it in a hatbox, or under my bed. They would kind of just be everywhere around me, in my locker, on my desk. Little reminders of our friendship.

And then he kissed me. And it was different.

We were so much closer. So, so much closer on every level.

So the notes were much closer as well.

"Want to meet at the spoon after school?" Or "You looked really pretty today doing your presentation, I can't believe I get to call you my boyfriend." Or even just "C + TJ = <3". That was the one math problem that TJ always got right.

So those notes were much more special, so I took much more care with them.

That's why it pained me so much when I knew I had to throw them away.

It was raining that day. Just my luck. Perfect condition to cry and mope around. A perfect day to fling every one of those notes outside my window and watch them melt away. That was the plan, because if I was reminded that once TJ Kippen did love me, I would break down.

I didn't throw them away though.

I think they still might be in my room back home. Probably collecting dust, maybe they even waited for more notes to arrive, none did.

TJ Kippen wrote notes to me. I wrote notes back. It was more than a game to me, it was just more.

And, with me always being the doubter, the first note I ever wrote to him was "do you really like me?"

"Are we official?"

"Can I kiss you again?"

The answer was yes, every time. TJ made sure of it once we were alone that he liked me. I think he really did. I really liked him after all, and I thought that my heart wouldn't fall into a trap like that. I thought I deserved happiness.

So we didn't exchange many words when we were by ourselves. We deserved each other, we deserved the type of silence that comes when you bring your lips together. When your fingers get lost and tangled over each others hair. Because we were happy.

TJ deserves happiness. He sure as hell doesn't deserve what really happened to him.

So maybe I did try and force myself onto him. Try and solve all of his problems. I was trying to help, I really was. I just didn't know that "help" meant completely different things in our eyes.

We wrote notes to each other. Words on paper that meant so much.

Real words didn't really mean more. Except when I said "I love you," for the first time. That was real. That meant more.

There still wasn't many words after that. And it's funny how it went from soft, kissing silence to dry eyed pain.

I wonder if I'll ever hear that word again.

I wonder if real words still mean the same thing.