The Juju Lady Next Door (Completed)

23. His Rahma

“ Narrated Abu Hurairah: Allah’s Messenger (Peace be upon him) said; When Allah completed the creation, He wrote in His book that us with Him on His throne, ‘Verily My Mercy supersedes My Wrath.’ (Sahih Bukhari vol. 4; Hadith 416.) 

•••

I stood outside the children ward, watching people go in and out through the double doors, bringing with them a waft of baby powder and air freshener. 

I didn’t go in, not out of fear, but I wanted Salsabil to see her baby before I did. Nevertheless, I did sight the baby: she was inside a white coat at the left end of the room, sleeping on a bed covered with blueberries. I couldn’t see her face. But I did see her small body in a white and pink onesie, chest rising and falling gently.

I wiped the tears that gathered in my eyes and walked back the way I came, to see her mother. 

•••

Salsabil’s room looked brighter and livelier than last time. The bland white sheets had been replaced with a yellow one, the louvres open to receive the sun rays. There was a faint scent of strawberry in the air. And a tray of food beside her bed. 

I sat on the chair beside the bed and brought out a pocket Qur’an from my sack bag. I was going through Suratul Duha (Chapter of the Dawn) which had become my favourite lately. In it I derived hope just as the Prophet did when it was revealed, to soothe his fears of feeling abandoned and punished. 

I knew our situations were different but the recent events in my life had shown that God, in His mercy, still cared about me, despite what I did. I also recalled the famous verse: “O you who have transgressed against yourselves, despair not in the mercy of Allah. Verily He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” 

Surahs like Ar-Rahman (Chapter of The Merciful) and Waqi’ah (The Inevitable) scared the hell out of me. Where God kept reminding us about all that He has done for us. “Which of His favours can you deny?” 

Can we even try? I thought, bowing my head in shame. I had everything I needed. I knew I was being tested. I wondered if what I did translate as a failure. If it was, then what about now, as I tried to right my wrongs?

I shook my head to ward off such negative thoughts. I hope I’m not too late. 

The bathroom door opened as Salsabil stepped out,  face wet. She was wearing a loose dress, her hair nicely packed into a bun. She still looked sick but a lot better than she had ever been. On seeing me, she smiled widely.

“Aunty.” I stood to hug her, breathing in her drug smell and faint coconut oil scent from her hair. 

“How are you?” I asked in a small voice, tears gathering in my eyes. 

“I’m fine mana Aunty, can’t you see?” She pulled back and reached out to wipe my tears but I shook her hand away, knowing I’d done nothing to deserve such kindness. 

Then I recalled that God Is Ar-Rahman, The ever Merciful to His servants who try to turn back to Him in repentance. And Salsabil was named Rahma, so is this God’s mercy through her? 

"Here," I held out the bag of clothes I had brought for her. 

Still smiling, she took it and went back into the bathroom while I waited,  thinking of how to disclose everything.

Isma’il had threatened to divorce me (three times) if she refused to forgive me. But I hoped she would, not because of my fear of divorce, but fear of God avenging her. She was the victim after all. And she had every right to seek revenge against me, even if she didn't do it directly. All she needed to do was pray against me.