Critique Station 2020

B 1-1 [🌼]

[Paalala lang po. Hindi po ako perpekto. Binabase ko po ang pagcritic ng mga stories niyo sa nalalaman ko at gusto ko lang maging honest sa inyo. Now, if hindi po kayo kontento, wala na po akong magagawa doon.]

TITLE: Elfian Tribe: The King’s Queen
Written by: parrot_senpai

➡️So far, you have a unique title and it fits to the story that you’ve write.

COVER:

➡️Ito ang una kong napansin noong binasa ko ang first three chapters ng story mo. Yes, reflects the story because it is fantasy and also involves some magics. But the protagonist was a mortal. I suggest you choose a simple character yet magical background effect at her back to describe the main character’s simplicity. Pero kung gusto mong mas manotice pa siya ng iba pang mga readers, I suggest na gumamit ka ng actor/actress na magpoportray ng character sa iyong story. Iyon kasi ang kadalasang napapansin ko.

NARRATION:

➡️You are using the first POV which is good. Mas nafefeel kasi ng mga readers kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ng character sa story kapag ganito. I also noticed na you are into Filipino novel based sa pagnarrate mo. Some of your words were kinda deep. The second chapter which is too long which is because you narrate there the history of Tribe.

TECHNICALITIES:

➡️First thing that I notice was the introduction. The synopsis of the story was also there along with the characters’ information which was indeed a spoiler to the readers. Sana ay hindi mo na po sila sinamang dalawa sa iisang chapter. I suggest that you separate the synopsis and the introduction of your characters. Also, don’t put too much information that can really spoil the readers about how the characters affect the flow of your story. A little information is okay where it can awaken their curiosity about the story and for them to continue reading it. The second thing that I noticed was the long sentences. I suggest to put some pause to some of the character’s narration by using (.). Para hindi naman hingalin ang mga readers sa pagbabasa. Napansin ko din na kung minsan ay nawawala ang emosyon ng character. Example is yung time na nahiya si Elly kay Prinsipe Darran pero the way she deliver her dialogues are cold. I suggest na ibagay niyo po yung kung ano ang nararamdaman ng character sa behaviour niya para hindi malito ang mga readers sa ugali ng character.

OVERVIEW:

➡️The flow of the story is good. The history of its beginning (Elfian Tribe) is what got my attention more. You explain it very well for the readers to understand the setting of the story more. The characters as well as their own characteristics that is why you can identify which is who. And the kilig factor of course! Present na present. Narrating the story is good but I suggest to do some research on the words you use. Since you use Filipino words most of the time in the story, avoid inserting English words para naman hindi masyadong awkward kapag binasabasa. So far, you did a great work in creating this story.

Quote from Shee: “We create book because we have a story to tell.”