[Paalala lang po. Hindi po ako perpekto. Binabase ko po ang pagcritic ng mga stories niyo sa nalalaman ko at gusto ko lang maging honest sa inyo. Now, if hindi po kayo kontento, wala na po akong magagawa doon.]
TITLE: Waiting
Written by: jhydrielle
➡️ Your title is random and very simple. Iyon ang unang kong napansin. But on the other hand, still it is connected to your storyline. But then, I suggest to you to think for a unique title that can really trigger and attract your reader's attention. Minsan kasi, bumabase din ang mga nagbabasa sa title ng libro. Kung hindi mo mamasamain, I'll suggest 'Awaited Mate' or 'Alpha's Awaited Mate' for it to be more interesting. Pero kung ayaw mo ay okay lang naman.
COVER:
➡️The cover is okay. I like it's simplicity. But if you want it to get more attention, I suggest you chose a cover that scream the genre of your story. Werewolves or just add the full moon above your cover para mas click siya. Afterall, werewolves are somehow connected to the full moon.
NARRATION:
➡️Okay naman ang pagnarrate mo. Nakukulangan lang ako minsan sa mga emotions na nararamdaman ng mga characters. Especially doon sa dialogue ng alpha leader at ng mga nasasakupan niya. But then, it's different in Allie's side.
TECHNICALITIES:
➡️ Yes, I've read your note so hindi na ako nagulat na marami ka nga talagang naging typos. Mahirap naman talaga kapag cellphone lang ang gamit. Sa unang chapter, medyo naguluhan ako kasi pinagsabay mo ang paggamit ng first person and third person pov. Next time, you should only use one para hindi magulo. Then, your grammar. Yes, you use Filipino language but may times na sumasablay ang mga grammar mo. Maaayos pa din naman yun. Sometimes, nakakalimutan mo ding maglagay ng tuldok at dumidiretso lang. Also, some of your words are mispelled. Sorry talaga. Dami kong napansin. Peace tayo ha.
OVERVIEW:
➡️If this will be edited and corrected, mas lalo pa itong magiging maganda. Especially that there's already a storyline and has an interesting blurb.
Quote from Shee: “Mistakes can be corrected. As long as it is acknowledge.”
BINABASA MO ANG
Critique Station 2020
Literatura FaktuDo you need someone to read your story and someone who can give an honest opinions about your work? Advices for improvements? You're in the right station! ACTIVE (every weekends): [✔] March 2020 [] April 2020 [] May 2020
