-Sander Sides Oneshots-

15.Thomas x Roman-In the blues

Ship: Thomas x Roman

Warnings: Crying, starving ones self, punching a mirror, self deprecating thoughts, and panic attacks

If you do experiencing things like panic attacks, frequent self-deprecating thoughts, or you're starving yourself, please know you're not alone and there is help for you ou there.

A/N: thanks so much remusisaliteralmood
for requesting this one in Ship Polls. Hope you like it.

Roman sobbed, soaking the pages of his manuscript. He tore it up and threw it in the garbage. He hated it. His manuscripts were never good enough. He rolled over and logged onto one of his social media apps on his phone. Joan was usually able to calm him down when he started to feel in the blues. When he logged on to text Joan from his DM's, he got lost into a spiral of modeling photos. Picture after picture he saw photoshopped men with ripped bodies and barely any stomach. He knew he shouldn't have, but he got up to look at himself in the bathroom mirror. He saw a fat, ugly, unworthy, weak jerk. The tears in his eyes started to appear again.

'Why does anybody hang out with you?' The voice in his head asked. ' Remus probably just hangs out with you out of pity. Virgil and Logan hate you. Patton was probably told by Thomas to be nice to you or something. One day they're gonna leave you alone. Leave you to die. They don't need you anyways.' Roman cried out in frustration and hit the mirror, shattering it. He heard these words every day. Roman sank down to the ground and began to sob again. He believed every word the voice said.

After crying on his bathroom floor for hours, he started to get hungry. The voice in his head told him to starve, but his stomach said otherwise. He checked the time: 12:28 pm. He doubted anybody would be up this late. He walked out of his room without bothering to wipe off his tear-stained makeup or address his hair.

The kitchen was dark and eerie. It felt like he was walking into a horror scene and he was going to get killed by a serial clown jumping out from behind a wall. He walked over to the fridge and looked into the fridge and found Patton's leftover lasagna from a couple days ago. He didn't bother heating it up.

As he was walking back to his room he started hearing voices coming from his room. The light was on too. He approached the doorway of his room to find everybody standing in his room. Deceit and Patton we're sitting by the trash and holding his manuscripts. Logan was looking at his calorie counter on his desk and shaking his head. Remus and Virgil looked cautiously at the broken mirror shards.

"Why the hell would he break his mirror?" Virgil said aloud.

"And throw these manuscripts away? He works so hard on these!" Deceit said as Patton shook his head in agreement.

"And this calorie counter... I mean 300 calories in one day? He's starving himself!" Logan exclaimed. Roman's breath hitched as he started to cry.

'No no no no no! This can't be happening!' He thought. Roman started to cry so violently, he started to hiccup. The others looked over in shock.

"Ro! We're so sorry! We couldn't find you all day and then we heard you leave your room, and... well... the light was on so we thought you might still be in here...so..." Patton trailed off, realizing he was making the situation worse. Remus rushed over to his brother's side.

"Bro, why are you starving yourself?" Remus said, touching Roman's shaking hand. His hand was covered in dried blood and glass shards stuck out of his knuckles. "And why did you punch your mirror?"

"And throw your manuscripts away?" Deceit added. Roman couldn't breath. They knew. They found out what he's been hiding.

'Now they're gonna leave you alone? Who would want to hang out with an idiot who can't do anything right and starves himself because he's fat?' The voice in his head said. Roman choked out a sob and fell to the ground, trying to get air. His sight became fuzzy and he could barely hear anybody around them. They were shouting numbers at him, but his brain couldn't follow what they were trying to say. He needed to leave now. He sunk out as fast as he could, and appeared in the living room.

Thomas woke up to the sound of crying. He shut up from his...couch? He must have fallen asleep in the living room. He sat up and saw Roman crying on the ground. He rushed over. No, Roman wasn't crying...he was having a panic attack.

"Roman!" Thomas exclaimed."You need to listen to me. Breathe in for four counts" Roman tried to slow his breathing so he could follow Thomas' count. Roman followed Thomas' instructions until he could see, breath, and here again.

"Thomas I'm so s-" Roman was cut off by Thomas hugging him.

"Don't say your sorry for needing help." Thomas said. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" Roman shook his head no. He snuggled into Thomas. They stayed there for a while until they both deceided they wanted a snack. They talk about random stuff like Thomas's friends, new shows they wanted to watch, and new video ideas. Then the subjects of crushes came up.

"Hey! Why don't I have a boyfriend yet?" Thomas asked jokingly. Roman giggled.

"I could ask the same question. That's more Patton's department in all honesty." Roman admitted. "Why do you have a crush?" Roman laughed. Thomas blushed and averted his gaze. Roman knew immediately what Thomas meant.

"No way!" Roman gasped dramatically. Thomas nodded his head. "YOU LIKE JOAN?!?" Roman exclaimed. Thomas looked horrified.

"Gosh no! No no no. You got it all wrong." Thomas said. "No Joan is my best friend, I like you, you knucklehead." Thomas confessed. Roman laughed.

"Haha! Nice one. No seriously, who do you like?" Thomas looked down.

"You." Thomas said again, seriously.

"Oh-I..." Roman was taken aback. He started to cry. Thomas actually liked him.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry Roman! I didn't mean to make you cry I just-"

"I Like You Too!" Roman exclaimed, cutting off Thomas. They both smiled.

"Wait, do you like..have a crush on me?" Thomas said, quoting one of his characters from "Cartoon Therapy". Roman giggled.

"Oh shut up!"

Written: 3/7/20-3/8/20
Published: 3/8/20
Word Count: Idk maybe 900 something