I don't like how I am
What does that mean?
Obsessed with suicide
I'm okay
You know that's not true
you hid the pain
like showing is worse
than taking your life
No one's equipped to help
This is deeper than a bad day
or bad year
or bad attitude about life
I'm supposed to be okay
I don't compare
to the evils done to others
or maybe I don't want to admit
how much living hurts
because then I have to face
the source of this pain
and what if it's just me
what if it's because I can't let go
everything is fine
except me
They paid their dues
the worst is over now?
but can one apology
heal the years of trauma?
The absence of your presence
The expectations to be greater
The secrets to be kept
The explosives in your temper
The lack of our connection
The control on my reciever
The responsibility switched
The fault to fall on me
The violence my only example
The fear of history repeat
And, somehow I'm the one accountable
for the mess you made of me.
