M U T E

|| 18 ||

The clock reads 12:00. Jocelyn went out with Bryce a while ago. It's midnight. Where is she? A moment later, there's a knock on my bedroom door. Jocelyn opens the door, and she is crying. I stand up, rushing over to her. 

"W-w-why d-does he-he-" she couldn't finish for she broke out in tears again. 

My arm reacts for me as I reach out, and put a hand on her back for comfort. She cries into my shoulder for a while before calming down and taking a step back. Then, she tells me everything.

"So we were having this great night, right? I-I thought he liked me too, so I decided to go for it. I wanted to kiss him. I leaned in, and he started talking. He was talking about some stupid book to avoid the kiss! I walked home, and on the way here I was thinking. He gave me a $2.00 shell bracelet, and gave YOU this!" She points to the necklace, "why does everyone always like you more, Reyna? What do you do? God, it's just so frustrating being your friend. It always has been. It's so frustrating to even be around you. You don't see it, do you?So many people adore you! You! The stupid nerdy Mute that is completely ruining everything I work for. Why you? Why.." the tears start again, and she runs from my room back to hers. 

I close the door. I walk to my bed and let myself fall asleep. Everything she says passes right over me. 

The next day she is fine. The day after that she's going to hang out with him again. It's like that talk never happened. 

My dad gets a vacation for a week. He gets to spend Christmas with us, which is coming up. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. 

"Reyna!" My dad calls, and I rush downstairs. The boys are already down there with my dad.

"So, I'm taking you three out since I never get to see you guys with me working late," dad tells us.

"Where are we going?" Kole asks.

"You'll see. Now, go get in the car," he replies.

We do as Dad says and get into the car. Dad follows and gets into the driver's seat. The drive is about 30 minutes. Dad put the radio on to some rap station, and they all started singing, well rapping more like it, to the songs. I'm not into music. I really only listen to foreign stuff. I don't understand most of the words, but I enjoy it for some reason. I actually did start reading books on foreign languages too, so I get some of the words. 

It's fairly nice out today. It's a windy day, but still warm enough to go out and- wait. I recognize the field as soon as we approach it. The wind is just right today for taking a kite out. That is exactly what we are doing. 

"Race car kites!" The twins yell out at the same time.   

We have two kites. One is a blue race car, and the other is red. Before my dad got the job he has now, he had a job with appropriate hours. He had weekends off, and he used to take us to fly kites all the time. After kite flying, we'd go to this place in the field that had a bonfire circle, a grill, and a picnic table. We'd sit down and play card games while Dad cooked burgers. Then, we'd make a fire going and sit around the bonfire roasting marshmallows and singing. 

I never sang along, even though they'd always try to get me to. I just watched, letting a smile come out here and there. My dad loved doing things with us, but had to get a different job that paid more when we were starting to get low on money, and mom was sick. He works through weekends now, and doesn't get home till around 1 AM. When he is home, he is usually sleeping. When mom gets sick, his boss goes lighter on his workload. 

Dad parks the car, and we get out. The boys rush to the trunk of the car with big smiles. Dad takes out the kites. The boys take the blue one, and rush off to the field. He closes the trunk, hands the red one to me, and we follow the boys. 

Myra would come with us a lot. She loved doing this. She usually led the songs by the campfire. Dad got the job two years ago, and that's how long it's been since we've gone out here. We spend the day in the field flying kites. 

After kites, like tradition, we go to the same picnic table. Dad brought burgers and a deck of cards. He starts grilling them while the boys and I sit down. 

Vincent suggests 'Slap Jack' first, so we start with that. We keep going through all the card games you can possibly think of, and when the burgers are done, we all enjoy our dinner with fun conversation. I don't talk much still. I let the boys go on about some story from school. I wish we could have this more often. I miss Dad. 

"I brought the marshmallows!" Dad says, pulling out a bag full of marshmallows.

The boys cheer, and I let a small smile go for a few seconds. After some songs, they all urge me to lead one. 

"Come on, pleeeeeeeeeeeease Reyna!" Kole begs. 

The boys put on their best puppy dog faces. I sigh and shake my head. 

"We don't do this ever, Reyna. It may be a couple years before I can take you guys out here again. Can you lead one song for me?" Dad says.

That's what makes me say for the first time ever, "fine." 

I ignore the shocked expressions as I start the song that I haven't heard them sing. We sung this song here before the boys were born. 

I start out very quiet, and cup my hands together, "I-I'm bringing home a baby b-bumble bee, won't my momma be so proud of me, I'm bringing home a baby bumble bee. Ouch, it stung me," I move my hands as if I just got stung, then I wipe them together, "I-I'm smashing up my ba-baby bumble bee, won't my mommy be so proud of me, I'm smashing up my baby bumble bee, ew, what a mess!" The boys laugh as I make a disgusted face at my hands, then I bring my hands up to my face, moving them up and down as I sing, "I'm licking up my baby bumble-" 

I get cut off there by Vincent, "ew, sis! That's disgusting!" 

I let out a laugh as I keep going, "bee, won't my momma be so proud of me-"

"I don't think she'll be very proud, Rey," Kole says, shaking his head. 

I glare at him for interrupting.

"Hey, we finally got her singing! Don't ruin it," my dad says. 

He starts the song up again, bringing his hand up to his face, moving them up and down like I did, "I'm licking up my baby bumble bee.."

I put my hands to my stomach, "I don't feel so good."

We both proceed to do the next part, "I'm barfing up my baby bumble bee.."

"Oh God! Gross!" Vincent says, making a disgusted face.

Dad and I keep going ignoring him, "-won't my momma be so proud of me, I'm barfing up my baby bumble bee, oh no, what a mess again," we put our hands in motion as if we are mopping the floor as we sing the next part, "I'm mopping up my baby bumble bee, won't my momma be so proud of me, I'm mopping up my baby bumble bee.. My momma wasn't so proud of me.." I finish the last part, then take a bow.

Dad and I both laugh as the boys still look quite disgusted by the whole thing. I let myself laugh. I let myself smile as they continue onto different songs. I don't join in, but I don't prevent myself from enjoying it this time. I already see things have been changing in me. It's like an up and down roller coaster. I guess that's better than the downhill rollercoaster that I've been riding my whole life. I never knew how great uphill could be.. I never let myself see..

Today, when I come home, the down feeling is gone. Even when Jocelyn sits down, telling me about her day with Bryce, it brushes right over me. I'm letting myself enjoy this mood I'm in because I know that when this feeling is gone, it may not come back.