M U T E

|| 13 ||

Another week passes. It's December 1st. I've been getting better. It's been a week full of ups and downs. Sometimes I talk, sometimes I don't. I'm just so scared. I'm so scared of messing up again. It's a Tuesday today. We recently got off of school, and Bryce drove me home. I invited him to stay at my house, so he is with me. As for Jocelyn, she has been nice so far. She hasn't made any of her comments yet.

"So, what should we do?" Bryce asks me. 

I pick up a book. 

"Something we can do, um, together?" 

I keep holding up my book. He rolls his eyes. 

"Let's play a game. Do you have any?"

I do. We keep a few games in the closet. We used to play them a lot, but now dad works so much, and none of us take the games out anymore. I show Bryce to the closet. He takes out Monopoly. Of course. 

"That's such a typical game to play. You could've chosen something different," I say, surprised that I managed to get words out again. 

"I like monopoly," he says.

I roll my eyes, holding back a smile. He is ridiculous. We are setting the game up on the table when Jocelyn walks in. 

"Hey Jocelyn," Bryce says. 

"Oh, hi! I didn't know you were coming over," she says, her hands go straight to her hair, fixing it. 

"Yeah, I drove Reyna home and decided to stay a bit."

Remember when I said that I invited him? Well, more like he invited himself. Jocelyn simply nods as a response to Bryce.

"So, you wanna play?" He asks her.

She agrees, and the three of us begin the game.

* * * *

"Oh my gosh, I swear as soon as it turns December, Christmas decorations go right up. I keep seeing people's houses completely decorated already," Jocelyn comments.

We are ways into the game now. I'm not doing so well. I keep landing on Jocelyn's spaces and having to owe her money. 

"At least they waited until December. People, including my aunt and uncle, started decorating for Christmas the day after Halloween!" 

Halloween. I remember this Halloween I stayed in my library reading the whole day. I didn't dress up, I never do. What's the point? I don't celebrate holidays. I missed Thanksgiving because I was in my room when my family came over. I don't really care for holidays anymore. Christmas. I used to love that holiday. 

My mom had gotten too sick by December of my kindergarten year. On Christmas, every dollar was going into help for her illness. The year before, I was spoiled with presents. That year.. I got a simple small little teddy bear. It's arms wrapped around a heart. It still lays on my bed. 

"I'm sorry, Reyna. We couldn't afford to get you the things you wanted.." My dad, worn out and tired, was apologizing to me about presents? 

"Daddy, my only Christmas wish is for mommy to get better," I said. 

My wish came true the day after Christmas. Mom was still sick, but for that day, she could get out of bed. She could walk around. She could take us out for a whole day together. She could have an amazing dinner with us cooked by Daddy and me. The next day she couldn't.
I was doing okay, but when she fell even more sick the next day, I blamed myself. It's my fault she went outside. The cold probably gave her worse conditions. That was all my fault.. 

"My space again. Looks like you can't afford it. Going bankrupt now?" Jocelyn says to me.

Great, she's right. I'm out. I give over all my money and properties. I'm no good at the game. I have no luck. The two keep playing. I get up to go read. I can still hear them, and I might have just listened in a little. 

"Ha! My space again. Pay up, $800!" Jocelyn says.

"Dang it," Bryce says.

"I can give you a discount. How about $700. I'll drop a hundred because I like you," she says, her voice light and girly.

"No, no. I got to pay my share. Here you go," Bryce replies.

"I gave you a discount, and you aren't taking it?" Jocelyn asks, surprise shone in her tone. 

"Yep. I'm going by rules," he states.

"Good boy," her voice sounded like she was talking to a puppy.

"I'm not a dog," Bryce chuckles.

"I know," Jocelyn let out another girly giggle after she said that. 

I hear a dice roll. 

"Ha! My space. Give me my money back," he says.

"I feel like this will be back and forth for hours," Her giggle is now getting annoying.

It did take a while. I finished my book, then came back over. I watched for a while till the game was done. Jocelyn won. Now, we are settling in for a movie and it is getting a little late. The clock reads 9:00. 

"Scary?" Bryce suggests. 

I give him a look saying 'please no.'

"Sounds okay to me," Jocelyn says.

Please, please, no. 

Bryce pulls me to his side, "I'll protect you."

Okay, definitely no. Nervous levels rising. I can't do this. I go to whisper in his ear. 

"I-I think that'd make me more scared," I whisper.

He chuckles, "fine, fine. The only reason I wanted to is because when you're scared, you hold onto me and it's the cutest thing, but I'll let you pick it out." 

My eyes widen, and I push away from him. I crumble up in a ball. 

"Put it on. I can handle it," I say. 

"You're going to stay over there like that the whole time? You won't get scared?" Bryce asks, his mouth turning upwards as he grinned at me. 

"I won't get scared," I stated it as a fact, though I knew what was coming.

"We'll see," the grin never faded from his face as he spoke. 

The movie started to play before my eyes. I stay curled up in a ball. My heart levels rapidly speed up as the movie goes. I am tempted to hold onto Bryce, but I keep to my corner of the couch.

I manage to get through the whole movie curled up in a ball exactly where I was the whole time. It's around 11:00 now. Bryce just left, and remaining in the living room is only Jocelyn and me. 

"I don't get it. You have this amazing guy clearly going for you, but you refuse to see it. You know he likes you, right?" Jocelyn asks me. 

"He doesn't like me," I tell her, "that's just the way he is. He's nice."

"Fine, sure. That makes a little sense. Well, do you like him?" 

I shake my head.

"Oh really? Well, then you don't mind if I, maybe, go for him? See, I kind of like him, but I don't want to get in the way. I don't want to, like, take him from you, I guess, is what I'm saying." 

"Uh, uh.."

I don't care, right? He can date who he wants. Jocelyn is pretty, and she... Doesn't deserve him. She's tormented me for 2 years of my life. Two years that have shaped who I am today, and caused me to be the terrible mess I am. Isn't she the reason why I can barely speak to anyone? If he's going to have a girlfriend, she needs to be as great as he is. That isn't me, and that isn't her. What should I tell her? No? That'll make her think I'm selfish, and I want him. Yes? That'll make her go for him which I don't want. 

"I'm going to sleep," I say.

I get up and go to my room before she can say anything. I've avoided it for now, but she'll ask again. Oh well, I'll worry about that later. I close my eyes and let myself fall asleep.