M U T E

|| 33 ||

After presents, we all go to the backyard. My dad made a fire, and s'more supplies are out. I stick my marshmallow into the fire letting it catch flame. I like the marshmallow burnt completely. Bryce sits next to me. He likes his marshmallow at a light brown. 

"So, you enjoying this party?" He asks me.

I nod. Jocelyn walks over before Bryce says anymore.

"I need to talk to you, Reyna," she says, and I know she means for us to talk alone. 

I take my s'more and follow her away from everyone else. 

"Okay," she starts off, sighing, "I've been a jerk. I started noticing a few things after that talk we had. You really took what I said to heart, didn't you? You are quiet because I told you your words suck. You always frown when you look at yourself in the mirror. You don't like your appearance, do you? You are always afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. You never smile. Reyna, are you happy?" 

"Yes, I'm happy," I reply, but my face shows no signs of it.

"Good. Then, don't hold back your smile. I feel so guilty when you hold it back. I feel like it is all my fault." 

"I-it's not. B-but," I stop there.

"What?"

"The other things are.." I sigh, "I-I am so-so scared of screwing up again. I don't want to lose another friend because I'm a screw-up and a loser."

"You're not a screw-up, Reyna. Jeez, you were the best friend I could have ever asked for. I was jealous. I was this terrible friend, and I would never be as good as you-" 

I cut her off, "but you were a great friend. I've been jealous of you, Jocelyn. You're so pretty, and everyone always loves you so easily. You get all these friends, and you always look so confident. I could never be that."

She chuckles, "looks like we both have been a mess. How about this? We need to stop wishing to be each other and realize the good in ourselves. You need to learn to love yourself, and I need to learn to love myself. You don't focus on being me and focus on being you. Because you are an amazing person." 

"And you are too," I add.

She pulls me into a hug, and I feel so glad that this is all resolved. I keep bottling up my feelings. I've been bottling up my feelings for everything, and I still am. I should tell Bryce. 

I go back to the fire with my intention on telling Bryce, but then everyone is singing. My mom is bringing out a cake. It's strawberry cake with a small amount of frosting on it. It also has strawberries topping the cake as well as lit candles, and 'Happy Birthday Reyna' written neatly on it. 

My cheeks flush pink as the cake is put before me, my mom still holding it. I blow the candles out, and everyone cheers. My wish is that my heart stays this full. 

We set the cake down on a table, and cut it into pieces. I get the first piece, but I give it up. I wait till everyone else gets a piece before taking my own. I forget about telling Bryce.
The night is spent with everyone taking, singing some campfire songs, and having an overall great time.

The last people to leave are Myra and Bryce. My family all went inside, tired from the day. Myra stands up. 

"I need to go now. That was fun. Goodnight, Reyna," she says, giving me a hug. 

I hug her back, and she leaves. That leaves only Bryce and I. My heart races.

"Can I tell you something no one knows?" He asks me.

I nod. 

"You've shared some personal things with me, and it's time I do the same," he sighs, "you've never met my mom or dad. My dad you already know about, but about my mom..She is depressed. Without my dad, she is so lost. I only see her when dad comes home, and she puts up her act. She doesn't tell him what happens when he's away. I don't say anything either. My mom walks out of the house right when he is sent back out. She meets other guys all the time, stays with them for a bit, then moves onto the next. She uses every guy to fill her emptiness. She barely even recognizes the fact that she has a son. She never thinks of how I feel about her leaving. The only reason I know what she's out there doing is because of my mom's friend, Jax. He tries to help her, and when I call, he tells me what's going on. At first, he hid it. He told me she would be back, and that she was just taking a vacation. I caught my mom in the act. I went to a restaurant where I found my mom drunk and slung over some random guy. I asked Jax, and he told me everything going on. It hurt me so much, but I can't change mom. I just want to help her, but she doesn't want any help from me."

"Most people won't admit that they need help. Bryce, you need to talk to her. Tell her how you feel or she'll be lost forever. Don't let her walk around with an empty heart. You need to help her pick up the pieces of her heart, just like you helped me," I say the last part quietly. 

"What? I didn't get that last part?"

"Nothing."

He gave me the first piece back which drove me to finding the rest. 

"Hey, I almost forgot," he pulls something out of his pocket, "I got you a present, but I wanted to wait to give it to you."

The fire is only a small flame now. I start feeling a slight chill from the night air, but this tingling feeling in my stomach distracts me from that. He stands up, and so do I. 

"Here are the last charms for the necklace. I have a party hat here because it's your birthday, and I feel like a party hat represents birthdays quite well," he attaches the party hat charm to the necklace.

Before continuing with the next charm, he hesitates. He looks nervous for the first time ever. He takes a step closer to me.

"So, you don't speak very much. You are quiet," his finger slowly brings itself to the corner of my lips, "you don't use this very much. Except I have brought your voice out much more. I got you this charm for your quiet personality trait," he pauses as he brings the charm to my necklace, and attaches it. The charm is a pair of lips, "I think this charm could represent more than your quietness, however," he leans his face closer to mine, making my heart skip a beat, "it could also be that on your birthday, you received your first," he brings his face even more closer. I could feel his breath, "kiss.." My heart races faster than before, but he pulls back again, "unless you don't want that from me.." I hesitate, but lean closer. I stop before our lips touch as I'm too nervous.
I don't pull away. He doesn't pull away. I don't make a move. He does. His hand moves to my cheek, and his lips softly press against my lips. 

I kiss back. This is me telling him how I feel with actions rather than words, and it's perfect. It feels so right. 

We pull away from the kiss, and I have the biggest smile on my face. It's the most real smile, and it's only for him. I don't hold it back, and I don't make it go away. I smile and show it with hidden pride that has made an appearance today at this moment. 

"I really like you, Reyna," he says, twirling a strand of my hair with his finger. 

Our faces are still close, and my heart's still beating at lightning speed. I kiss him on the cheek to tell him that I felt the same. That missing something is back in my heart, and it's as full as ever. 

"Is it okay if I call you mine from now on?" He asks

I put my finger to my chin as if I'm pondering over the question. Then I smile big again.

"Yes, but with one condition only," I say.

"And what is this condition?"

"I want to be able to call you mine as well."

"That is alright with me," and his smile shines brightly. It makes me see how long I've been in the dark.

I'm out of the dark now. With Bryce, I feel every ounce of light that this world contains.