M U T E

|| 12 ||

"Reyna, wake up. Your friend is here," I hear my mom's voice, which makes me open my eyes.
I look at the clock. It reads 5:23 PM. Bryce walks in. He sighs as he walks over to my bed. Then he crouches down to me. 

"Did you only take one bite?" He asks me.

Yes. 

I turn so that my back faces him. He places his hand on my shoulder. 

"Dammit, Reyna. Please. You're already getting sick," he says, "you're stronger than this. Why can't you talk to me?" 

I turn my head. He looked so helpless. I remain without any emotion. I turn away again. Eventually, he leaves. I feel like a bee just stung my heart.

Another week passes. I haven't been in school. Myra has been getting my work for me. I can barely get up to do it. Every time I stand, I feel dizzy. My mom has been trying to get me to eat. I just haven't. It's not like I am trying not to eat. I just can't do it.   

"Hi," I hear a different voice this time. 

It's a familiar unfamiliar voice. Yes, that doesn't seem to make sense, but that is how I said it. It's her.

"Reyna?" Jocelyn enters the room and comes over to me.

I don't answer.

"What? Disappointed to see me still alive?"

She didn't forget. I look up. 

"Look, I don't really care anymore. It was the past, and it was one statement..I just don't like seeing you, um, like this. Plus, this is not at all the reunion I thought we'd have." 

She..doesn't care? 

"I mean it was first grade. Yeah, it was hurtful. You never even apologized, but I got over it. You need to get over it too. I was hoping we could be friends."

What? You hate me. Did I remember wrong? In that flashback...she was mean. Am I mistaken? Maybe I was just being too sensitive? It could've looked worse than it actually was based on my reactions. 

I nod my head and hold my hand out. She shakes it, smiling at me. I don't smile, but I feel a little hungry.. 

"I just made cookies, do you want one?" She asks.

I shake my head to respond with a no. I want a banana. I go downstairs and grab the first banana I see. I eat half of it, then offer it to Jocelyn. She declines, and I throw it away. You'd think that I'd be starving and eat a lot, but I'm not. That half filled me up.

What day is it? It feels like I fell off the earth for awhile, and now I'm back. My mouth hasn't started working yet to form words. 

"So do you think you'll get to school tomorrow? You missed a whole week, but you can catch up. I'll help you if you want," Jocelyn says.

My school work. Today is Sunday. My school work is untouched. I haven't seen Bryce since he came over that one time. I haven't seen Myra in a week either. I didn't go on my phone. I didn't leave my room at all except for the bathroom. My mom brought me water because she said I needed to stay hydrated. I could die, she said, especially because I haven't been eating. I didn't see my dad at all. I normally don't anyway because he works. Well, speaking of work.. I was going to get a job, wasn't I? I think that I need to pick myself up first, and then go for a job.

Honestly, I'm tired. I'm so weak. I want to go to school tomorrow, but my condition can't change in a day. I'll try though.. I need to sleep first. After I sleep, then I'll see.

* * * *

"Rey! You're here!" Myra says with a big smile. 

Yes, I managed to get out of bed and get myself to school. My mom drove me. I'm wearing pajamas. Well, I put a hoodie on over the tank top I usually wear to bed. It's just a plain white tank top. I also wear patterned grey and black pajama pants. I slipped on some black flip flops as well. I didn't eat breakfast. I guess that became a habit for me not to eat breakfast. 

"You look so thin. A-are you alright? Have you even been eating?" She says. 

Well, I guess I have lost some weight. I shrug. I still feel really weak and dizzy. I didn't see Jocelyn or Bryce until English Class. 

"You're back. I was worried," Bryce says, smiling when he sees me. His smile fades suddenly, "woah, Reyna. You look even more unhealthy and thinner! Not to be rude.. Sorry, oh my gosh. That sounded rude, didn't it? I didn't mean it in a bad-" 

I cut him off with my mouth suddenly working again, "shut up, Bryce."

His smile grows big again, "I missed that voice."

I turn my face to the floor and hold back a smile. 

"One day, Reyna, I will make you smile, and you won't hold back because you won't be able to," he tells me.

He flashes me a small smile this time before giving me a side hug. I almost smile, but I don't. I've been doing this for years.. It's habit to hold back. 

"Hey Reyna," Jocelyn says as she comes over to us two. 

She looks at Bryce with curiosity then back at me.

"Is this your boyfriend?" She asks. 

I shake my head quickly. Bryce laughs. 

"No. We're just friends," he tells her, looking at me, and I think he mumbled something..
So we are friends? Well, of course! I mean friends always help each other up, and Bryce always helps me up. Friends always help each other up, but sometimes they're the reason you need help up..I look at Jocelyn.

"Oh okay," I see a hint of a smile on her face. 

I turn to Bryce, and see that he is looking at me. My eyes widen, and I hide my face immediately in my arms. 

He laughs, "sorry, Reyna. I didn't mean to scare you."

I remain hidden.

"Well, um, I'm Jocelyn. I go by Joyce most of the time, though," she introduces herself.

The teacher walks in, and Jocelyn goes back to her seat in the front as the class is about to begin.   

"I don't get why she always goes by some nickname. Jocelyn is such a pretty name," I say, lifting my head up.

"Myra calls you Rey," Bryce points out. 

"Well, my name is weird anyways," I say, "I don't have a pretty name like her." 

"Your name is beautiful. I could say it all day long." 

"If you just kept repeating my name over and over, not only would it be annoying, but eventually you'll get bored. You'll also get tired of saying it again and again and again for the whole day. Like maybe you think it's a pretty name, but don't wear it out," I say, trying to incorporate a humorous tone of voice in my speech.

"You should talk more. You have such a way with words. You also have this kind of accent. It's only with some words, but it's cool," Bryce tells me.

Oh my gosh. What am I doing? 

"Don't you hear it?"

(laughs) "yeah, I can hear it. She has an accent. What is it?" 

Jocelyn.

Jocelyn.

"Just call me Josie!" 

She told me about the accent. She told me my way with words got so annoying. He's just trying to be nice, but I know he is telling me to shut up. Stop talking. 

I don't talk for the rest of class. I read in the library at lunch. I forgot to eat again, but it was out of habit. I walk with Bryce to my last period, but I didn't say anything. He brought me food, said that I needed to eat. I did.

Why am I still hung up on first grade? I am too sensitive.