M U T E

|| 27 ||

I'm still missing pieces. I know that the big gaping hole Jocelyn left on my heart needed to be fixed, but I didn't know how to fix it yet. I needed time for that one. Although, there is one I can fix right now. It's Wednesday. Bryce and I are going to his house to hang out for a bit, and study for an English quiz. I need to talk to him about something because there's one thing I still need to let go. 

"Have you read Lost yet?" I ask when we get to the study. 

"Yep. I absolutely loved it! The writing style, it," he searches for a word, finds it then continues, "It was so unique. I could not put the book down. I was fascinated in this author's way with words," he says. 

I blush. Unique? Really? 

"Glad to hear that my present was a success," I say, nervously biting my lip. 

"You know the author, right? I really really want to meet her. I imagine it's someone very intelligent and unique. I'm a fan."

"That's the only book she's written," I tell him. 

"It's so good that I became a fan from one book."

"You really want to meet her?" I ask.

He nods, and I sigh. 

"You'll be the first to know," I mumble to myself, then I speak to him, "Let me see your phone. We can give her a call."

He hands it over. I dial the number in and hand him the phone.

"I'll be right back," I say, leaving the room. 

I go far enough away from the room, so that when my phone rings, he doesn't hear. I pick up. 

"Hello," I say with an accent. 

"Hi there. My name is Bryce. I'm a huge fan of your book, Lost. I'm a friend of Reyna's, and I was hoping if I could meet you sometime," Bryce's voice comes through.

"Of course," oh, my accent is so bad.

"When would be a good day to do it?"

Am I really going to do this? I think about backing out.

"Hello?"

I should back out. No. I need to let this go.

"You still there?"

I walk back into the study. 

With my regular voice I say, "how about meeting me today?" His eyes widen at the sight of me. 

The phone hangs up. "It was you! You wrote it!" He exclaims. I blush once again. I remember the breakdown I had. That's why I took it all down. That's why it was so hard to give up that book. That is the only remaining evidence of my book. It's the only one left. 

I can't do it anymore. This book is pathetic. Pathetic! It's a stupid cry for help. I couldn't even tag my name to it. Comments: 

This book is really hard to understand. It's like a puzzle. I have to keep putting pieces together to where everything fits.

I read a few chapters in and got so sick of it. Like I just want a story that's clear. This book has too many twists and turns.

This book stinks.

This book is a good start for a beginner writer. I think you need to practice putting it together better.

1,212 likes 2,342 dislikes

Pathetic. These are deep thoughts that shouldn't be shared. I have to take this back. I have to delete everything. What was I thinking putting this out there? 

"I was at a low point. For a large portion of my life, I have been lost. The book was supposed to be me searching for answers. I was always having an inner conflict. I wanted to keep my book out there, but I began to hate the book. I shut it off. I read through it over and over, searching through my own mind. I read through it so much that I let it go. When I gave you the book, that's when I found my answer. My answer was to let it go and move on. I needed to stop dwelling on the failure of this book. I needed to stop searching through it to find answers because all the answers are right here," I say, crossing my arms across my torso, "inside of me being carried along. They aren't in this book."

Bryce smiles, "it is nice to meet you, Brianna Williams." 

That's the name that I tagged to the book. I take his hand and shake it. He intertwines his fingers with mine, squeezing my hand ever so slightly. I squeeze his hand back. 

A piece of my heart is back with me. I let it go. Not even Myra knew I wrote this. No one knew.
We spent the rest of the time studying, and not mentioning the book again. 

* * * *

Valentine's Day is the talk of the school at the moment. It's coming up soon. I still need pieces of my heart back, and that's all I'm focused on. I don't care much for the holiday. 

I've been avoiding a talk with Jocelyn. I need the piece she had. I desperately need it. She has the piece of a large gaping hole in my heart. She's had that piece for a long time now. This one would be the toughest because I have to admit everything, and I don't know if I have it in me to do that.

* * * *

For Valentine's Day every year, there is a booth at lunch where they sell candy hearts to send to that special someone. On a card, you write a To and From, then on Valentine's Day the candy hearts are delivered. Myra and I always buy one for each other. I go up to the counter, and buy one for Myra, as usual. I never have gotten a heart from someone other than Myra. Myra receives many hearts each year. Myra is well liked. She's gotten hit on many times, but I don't believe she's ever had a crush. She says that she's looking for someone who doesn't see the girl everyone else sees. She wants them to look at the girl everyone doesn't see. She hasn't found a guy that does look at that girl. Myra will always talk about boys with her friends, but it's just because they always talk about boys. Usually, she just makes up names to keep in conversation. Well, she is a bit of a flirt. She does find guys cute, and will talk like she has a crush, but what she feels is nothing more than an attraction. 

"I found him," Myra says. I look at her, confused. "I found Mr. Perfect," she explains. 

Myra starts going on about how this guy is so good-looking. He's in our grade, but more mature than most guys in our class. I find it amusing the way she talks about him. See, she would go on about Bryce, and how I was so lucky to be friends with him because of every girl fawning over him. There was that, but the way she talks about this "Mr. Perfect," is something I have never seen from her. She didn't just talk looks. This guy has been her friend for a while, and she never saw him as anything more. However, she saw him in a different light when they had this "special moment." She said she heard fireworks, and the "she just knew." She's can be overly dramatic at times, but I'm still happy for her.

However, if he hurts her, I will have his head. (Not really because confrontation is my worst fear) Yet, Myra is my best friend, so I'd still be greatly upset, and I may give him a glare if he hurts her.
Yes, a glare is not a usual thing for me, and I know it is so intimidating, but I love Myra, and friends always are there for each other. They will always help each other up. That's what friends are for, right?