Not A Stranger to Pain

Chapter 22

Chara felt so dejected that even suicide did not appeal. For her there was no difference between living and killing her self.

She had tried to throw herself into the river and drown herself, but she didn't have the guts to end her life.

She felt so cowardly, she couldn't even sleep . She experienced so much sleepless night and her body would persecute her until she was drained of all energy.

The nightmares kept on tormenting her every day or night. She was not even able to eat or talk.

At times she would pray for the death of her ex, she hoped he would be hit by a train or a bus , a car anything that the universe could give her.

She felt so much anger at the world and at herself for letting her guard down.

The bitterness and hatred she stored up in her she felt like she could kill him.

She really wanted to do something Karma seemed too slow to respond.

Why was she the one to  suffer, she never did anyone wrong .

She always tried to be the bigger person but all they did was shred her into bits.

This carried on until she was laying in a hospital deathly bed.

The amount of weight she lost was so immense. She was in two states away from her parents so they were not able to see her.

When she left the hospital she was lifeless than ever, all that excitement had left her body.

She no longer looked forward to a happy life.

She even thought of just selling her body maybe it would numb the pain she felt everyday she woke.

She was only cowardly to do that though. She had no pride left but that didn't mean she had to sell her body.

Those thoughts left as soon as they had come into her mind.

She loathed the existence of men .
She just wished that this world had no man maybe things would be better.

She was not able to pray because she wondered why her ex was not on a death row or hospital bed what he had done to her was the last straw she could take .

She wanted him to see him suffer with herpes or gonorrhea or an std of some sort that would eat him up slowly like those disgusting maggots.

She killed him many times in her head, she could imagine him on his deathbed. She wished she could choke him or drown him .
She often wondered how it would feel to give him rat poison and watch his insides turning to nothingness .

She rued the day she had met him and never had she loathed her name, she wanted to curse at him, hit him or doing something crazy.

Most man turn the tamest of Women into monsters.

Chara wanted to change her name to something else, maybe she would feel different.

For once in her life she wanted to take control of her life. She felt that by changing her name she gained some strength or power over her life.

When she told her friends no one would understand her.

They would look at her as if she were a creature .

That was because they never could understand the pain and heartache she had been through, they never could relate.

She wanted to go to a a therapist but she doubted if that would solve anything.

The trauma she had suffered felt like it was just yesterday. All the memories were so vivid and they haunted her.

She wondered if there would come a day that she would be free from these constraints holding her captive.