𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐮𝐬𝐭 ~ 𝐄𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝗼𝐮𝐫

A/N: okay so I was gonna leave this till like next week sometime, but then I thought about how mean that would be and decided wth, imma post it. So I hope u enjoy and aren't too mad at me baha

Sebastian looks down at the phone in his hand, face contorted into one of pain and confusion, tears stinging from the corners of his eyes. "Wh-what?" He whimpers to himself, falling to his black and bruising knees. "What?"

Was this some sick joke? A prank maybe? No. Chris would never do such a thing...

Sebastian could feel it. That the day of his drowning in thoughts and disgust and self hatred was here once again, sneaking up on him. The cold, harsh, wash of pain and heavy guilt only he can feel.

Every thought, feeling, he had been holding back from the moment he had awoken was back, full force, knocking his body around and shaking it. Bruising his skin with harsh words, sinking into his veins and pumping straight to his heart.

In that very moment, it takes all the strength and willpower Sebastian has to make a smart choice, to reach for something to drown out his thoughts, stop himself from drowning.

That very thing being his playlist on Spotify. It feeds him the thoughts that he needs, the ones that make him feel as if he were someone worthy of love, happiness. Someone who has not just been broken up with without reasoning.

He plugs in his headphones and begins his short walk toward the doors of his bedroom, head down, silently sniffling. Sebastian tries to wipe away the tears, to stop them, to focus and only focus on the music, but they keep on falling, drenching his shirt.

As soon as Sebastian is in the secure seating of his room, he slams his head atop the desk in the corner. Howling, sobbing, digging his nails into the palm of his hand, creating small bloodied half crescent moons over his pale skin.

The music wasn't working, not this time, and he rips out the headphones. Everything that had happened to the boy, everything from the beginning of the year to now, came back with full force.

Boulders built up inside of his chest, heart lurching into the back of his throat, lips quivering, limbs shaking, tears flowing.

Sebastian couldn't seem to find an anchor. Couldn't calm his breathing. The thoughts were accelerating inside of Sebastian's head, making it even harder to calm himself down to ease his breathing, his breathing that comes out in small gasps, creating the feeling that he would pass out.

His heart hammers in the back of his throat. Everything was spinning. He felt sick.

He needed Chris. Chris was his lifeboat, his rock, his everything. Chris was his happiness, his reasoning for holding on this long. What was going on?

He wanted to call an ambulance, or to call anyone that would be able to help. Sebastian grasps his phone in shaking fingers. He presses the call button for Letitia and slams the phone against his ear, eyes squeezed shut as the feeling of passing out grew bigger.

"Seb?" Letitia asks, slightly worried. "Where are you? You were meant to be here half an hour ago."

Had it really been that long?

"I— can't— can't— breathe— see— black— dots—" Sebastian stammers out. Black dots were clouding his vision, breaths more like wheezes. He was petrified.