Hopelessly depressed by you

the pain of confession in the blue of your eyes!

The night here in New York feels so cold ... I just don't know if it's really the city's mood, or it's the cowardice that runs through my blood now as I walk here beside Kurt, looking for the best way to start talking to him all that I did ... to confess my mistake ... to assume my weakness ... to accept my certain destiny which is to be hated by the one I love most in this world.

Kurt has already realized that something is not right. He knows me well ... and yet he trusted me, loved me with all his being ... and I just did the last thing I should have done .... I betrayed him ...

"Please! Stop pretending there's nothing wrong ..." was what Kurt asked me, ... and I know he's right, but I'm not pretending to be all right ... I'm just cowering. I'm afraid to tell you what I did! ... but I need ... he has a right to know!

... take a deep breath Blaine Anderson, it's now the end of everything you've always dreamed of! ... "I WAS GETTING TOGETHER WITH SOMEONE!" .... ... Look at what you were able you worthless! Look at the state of this amazing person who loved you! Look what you did!

I can't handle the sadness on Kurt's face ... how I was able to destroy him like this ...

"... I WAS FOR ME EVEN, I NEEDED YOU. I NEEDED YOU NEAR AND YOU WERE NOT THERE!" ... no ... how could I try to justify myself !!! Coward! I screw up and still try to blame him ... okay ... I was feeling lonely but he must be feeling lonely too, wasn't he? Otherwise he wouldn't be the way he is now ... oh my God what did I do ??? What did I do ???

"I'M SO SORRY! I REALLY AM!" ... my God...This is it! It's just finished! He will never forgive me! What did I do???

I don't know what hurts me anymore: knowing that I'll never be able to call Kurt my love again, or see the pain that my confession imprinted in his beautiful blue eyes ...

I feel breathless just thinking about the pain I caused him and what is worse, I have no right to try to comfort him nor could ... How could!

Seeing him walk away from me, destroys me like I never thought possible. What will I do now that I've lost my safe haven, my world? What will I do with my life?

# sorry for being such a short chapter, but I wanted to try to deal with what happened at the time of the confession itself ... what happened after .... well .... is coming .... sorry this is it ! .... And in time ... tell me what you think? Is it worth it? I had never written before so ... please .... opinions and criticism are welcome !!!