Hopelessly depressed by you

the reflection of a falling life.

Argh ... another day in the life of Blaine "the idiot" Devon Anderson "and worst of all is having to look at myself in the mirror early and face that defeated look. I don't even recognize myself anymore.

I do not believe that I will have to resort to makeup to counter these dark circles? I'm looking like a zombie ... damn nightmares that won't let me sleep for at least an hour. Not much needed.

"... and I thought I could handle these nightmares any longer without giving in or disturbing them ... I am... even a weak one!" And how it pisses me off! Realizing that I am a worthless one as they have always been told and I refused to accept it.

"... but I've always been weak, haven't I?" ... my father always made a point of saying that, he always made it very clear that I was a useless, weak and cowardly and failed. Especially after I became gay to him and my mom, that's when he was sure I was good for nothing. Not even to be their child!

And look at what I've become: this pathetic figure who keeps talking to herself in the mirror, because she can't keep anyone interested.
"COWARD!" "USELESS"

... # CRASH #

ARGHHHHH "STUPID!"
... well, now besides having to live with myself and the fact that I don't do anything right, now I'll have to fix this mess before my parents come back ... and make a good excuse for the mirror being smashed ... Damn! I need to think of a good excuse! And I need a bandage too ... I don't think the cuts were so deep ... but my fist won't stop bleeding?!?!
... THERE ... "What did I do with my hand?" ... How it hurts! .

"DUMB!"

And there is still school! I can not miss ... Affe ... As if the day was no longer perfect! "

Dressing up until it wasn't hard, it's years of practice having to turn around when I hurt myself. My father was always away from home on business, and my mother always had something more important than my scratches and bruises.

It's going to be hard to get Sam's attention off this bandaged hand, or find a good reason why my hand is bandaged ... at least a good excuse not to arouse the need for anyone to ask and ask and ask ...
"Argh ... what a headache, I shouldn't have left home without eating anything. I should have eaten at least an apple or a cereal bar ... I don't know ... anything to end that feeling strange in my stomach "

Ah ... never mind, it's only two periods until PE class ... I grab an apple at the cafeteria on the way to the gym ... or whatever ... if only that dizziness let me go I'd think better of to do.

"Well ... it doesn't matter. I need to hurry if I don't want to be late again for calculus class ... Mrs. Smith won't tolerate another delay ... and I already owe two school assignments."

I knew it was going to be tricky to divert attention from my injured hand, but until I was doing well until PE. Just today coach Beiste had to decide for volleyball game? Couldn't have been around the laps running around the court? OF COURSE NOT!

"It was nothing Sam! I ended up cutting myself with a glass that I broke! You know how clumsy I am!" ... stop staring at me with that dubious face Sam ... I know the excuse is pathetic, but pretend to believe it and let it go.

You can't look Sam in the eye and lie like that, but you have to, or he'll get worried and I'm not worth his time. "It's no big deal, a couple of days and I'll be 100%" ...

There was no volley for me, of course, even because the little guy here doesn't make much difference in the teams. Imagine with an injured hand: doubly worthless!

After PE class, but a few classes looking away from the questioning glances of the New Directions folks and finally facing the Glee Club and the cheering of the folks with the fall musical and the upcoming auditions.

IUPIIIIII .... was just what I was missing !!!

Not that it's the fault of the staff, but this excitement with GREASE has only made my headache worse ... and it's giving me a craving ... my stomach is turning. I just don't know if it's because I know it's a love story and I destroyed my story with Kurt, or if it's because I haven't eaten anything so far and the headache has gotten worse too
... PUTS ...
"... I forgot to grab something to eat before PE !!!" ... and shouldn't have hit my forehead ... now everything is spinning !!! Oh my God ... maybe if I close my eyes and take a deep breath ... maybe this nausea will pass ... this dizziness ... maybe ...
WOW ... I don't think it was very smart...