Hopelessly depressed by you

By myself!

It's being hard to reconcile all the clubs I've signed up for, studies and the glee club, sometimes it seems like there's time, but at the same time this rush is good for me ... at least my head is so busy with worry to take care of everything, it takes time to realize that it's been 20 days since I have had contact with Kurt, other than by text message ... and even these are short because he is always so busy with the internship at Vogue .com, and usually the subject is the internship, Isabele and especially New York ....

ahhh Kurt is so excited about the internship! It's been a while since I've seen him so excited about something .... but he deserves it ... he's so talented! He tries so hard and he's been through so much ... I wish I had that determination he has.

Yesterday when I spoke to Burt, he told me that he is very proud of Kurt, who knew he was going to take New York as soon as he got to town. I also believed that, I always believed and I believe in Kurt's strength ... I wanted to be more like him. Having this willpower and security in their own choices ... I would like more support here at home too ...

Humph ... if my dad hears me talking like that he would already say "Stop it Blaine! Stop whining! An Anderson doesn't bow his head or envy anyone, an Anderson goes over anything and anyone to get what want ... I didn't raise my son to be a sissy! "

Yeah ... I'm glad my parents traveled again! At least then I can stay here locked in my room with my own thoughts ... because apparently it's the only thing left for me ... because everyone has more important things to worry about.

But of course, what I expected? That Kurt would stop living the exciting life of the big city because of his high school sweetheart? That Cooper would stop chasing after his dream of making his big screen debut because of his crying little brother? That Sam and Brit wasted time with me instead of enjoying themselves? That Tina babysit a gay friend who can't handle loneliness? .... New Directions has its own life Blaine Warbler ... indeed the Warbles too ... It was you who abandoned them to run after the love of your life without even thinking twice, right?

I am really a selfish wanting others to get around with me and my problems!I'm no child anymore ... my parents have said it a million times. And they are right .... I know that!

My mother is, in a way, kind to me "Blaine, my son, it's time for you to grow up dear! You can't get stuck with this high school sweetheart" .... my father is already history, he don't measure words to make yourself understood ... and I understand you, loud and clear ... "Blaine, you need to stop this bullshit of being an artist now! This is not a profession! It gives no decent future to anyone! It is no longer is it enough that I have to deal with this business that you want to be a fagot? "...

Want to be gay ??? This is good!!! Who in their right mind would choose to BE something that so many people repudiate? Who would choose to be something that makes you feel excluded from the world just because you love who you love? I've given up on making my parents understand.

When Kurt was here in Ohio with me, it was easier at least ... I had someone to lean on ... but he went in search of his own dreams ... and I stayed here, alone! Alone with myself and my thoughts!