Hopelessly depressed by you

The next day of a broken heart

  I never thought looking into those beautiful blue eyes would be so painful. Seeing Kurt's disappointment was terrible ... one of the worst things I've ever felt.
But what did I expect? That a sleepless night's sleep would erase the stupidity of my actions? That Kurt would forgive such a betrayal? How naive of mine ... in fact, not naive, really stupid.

How difficult it was to leave the loft and leave what was my "everything", my true love behind ... it hurts to know that the future I wanted so much will no longer happen ... and all for my sole and exclusive fault!

Now ... here I am, back to this city that has given me nothing but disappointment and pain ... here I am back to this huge, empty house, without a person to hear me vent ... On the other hand, there's no one to point out my mistakes and show how useless I am ... I don't know if I'm disappointed or relievid.

Do you think things are bad, Blaine Anderson? Tomorrow is Monday and you will have to go back to McKinley ... you will have to face the choir room and feel everyone judging you ... because of course they will know what you did. Of course they will side with Kurt, after all they are friends with Kurt ... not my friends. They just held you out of respect for Kurt, ... now there's no need.

Oh my God! How will I look at New Directions? What about Finn? How will I look into his eyes after what I did to his brother? Finn must hate me !!! And rightly so ... I hate myself !!

Honestly, I don't know how Kurt could get involved with someone like me? So despicable, with nothing decent to offer someone as amazing as him ... and dumb ... I'm so dumb that I couldn't enjoy the miracle of love he had for me ... stupid! Stupid!

What do I do now? What am I going to do at McKinley alone? Because that's what's left for me ... to wander the halls of that school with no one, just remembering what I lived there with Kurt and what I lost because of my stupidity.

What is Kurt doing now? Is he better? I can't stop thinking about his look ... it doesn't get out of my head ... My God! He was so disappointed ... destroyed ...

But the truth is that he shouldn't be like this ... he should be relieved to be rid of uselessness like me ... but soon he will realize that he is better off without me.

I lost my only chance to be happy. Who's going to be foolish to mess with me? No one is as naive and has a heart of gold as Kurt ... I wasted my only chance to live a great love, and why? Why am I a damn attention hunter! A needy sticky dumbass, who is stupid enough to fall into the clutches of the first flirt who pretends I'm worth something. Pathetic.

Man ... I'm so tired of trying to prove that I'm worth it ... so tired of being me! At least while I had Kurt by my side, his love made me someone ... now ... now I have nothing ... nothing worth living for.

How I wish it was all a terrible nightmare ... that I hadn't been so stupid, that I hadn't thrown my relationship in the trash, that I hadn't lost the love of my life ... How I wish that Kurt didn't hate me ... I wish I didn't hate myself ...

But of course not ... and tomorrow I'll be forced to face a life without my Kurt, without my teenage dream ... and to make it even harder, I'll still have to suffer the disgust and criticism of the New Directions folks.