Honor Among Friends (NaNoWriMo14)

Chapter 15-A

Madison was still mulling over Lauren's words the next morning. She'd been tempted to call him last night, even dialed his number a couple of times, but for some reason she couldn't go through with it.

"You ready for today?"

She turned away from the car window and glanced at her mother who was clutching the steering wheel. Since part of grounding included no access to the car, her mother was acting as chauffeur. She was taking her to the soup kitchen this morning and picking her up when her shift was over.

"I'm ready," she said, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice. She was scheduled to work with Avery and others. It would be the first time they all got to meet since the police station.

Her mother sent her a disproving look. "They're going to be there, aren't they?"

"They're not bad people," Madison insisted. "They just made some bad choices."

"I don't like you hanging out with them. They already influenced you once, who's to say they won't do it again? Hmm?"

"They're my friends. And I made those choices, not them." When her mother didn't respond, she pushed, "Please Mom, just give them a chance. There's more to them then what you think."

Her mother's face tightened as she pursed her lips. "We'll see."

The small concession was more than her mother had ever given before. Thrilled, Madison beamed.

"I said we'll see," her mother re-stated, sending her a stern look. "There's nothing definite."

But Madison knew it was a start. They still had a long way to go to prove themselves in her mother's eye, but the fact that she was willing to try, meant she was really listening to what Madison had to say. It was a testament to how committed her mother was to fixing their broken relationship and it only fueled Madison's resolve to do the same. She knew their problems wouldn't be mended over night, but as long as they were both willing to try they stood a chance.

In a good mood, she decided to extend another olive branch. "Hey Mom? Can I ask you something? I need advice."

"Ask away."

Not going into too much detail, she summed up the situation with Carson. "A part of me really wants to talk to him, but every time I try, I freeze up and I don't know why. Maybe my subconscious is telling me something, but the problem is I don't know what!"

"Could it be fear holding you back? Maybe you're scared of being rejected."

"I thought of that but after what Lauren told me, I'm almost positive he still likes me."

"If it's not fear, maybe it's guilt. You've beaten yourself up pretty hard over everything. Maybe a part of you feels as if you don't deserve him."

Something deep inside of Madison unfurled at her mother's words. "And what if I don't deserve him?" she asked, quietly giving her secret fear wings.  

"You've always been your harshest critic Madison. Sometimes you need to give yourself a break. And not that I'm biased or anything, but you're growing into a wonderful young woman. If anything, he's the one who should feel as if he doesn't deserve you." When Madison remained quiet, her mother gently added, "You're making amends for your actions, Madison. That's what counts in the long run. Stop punishing yourself and let yourself be happy."

Madison closed her eyes and let the words sink in. She realized her mother was right. She needed to forgive herself and let bygones be bygones. Pulling out her phone, she sent a text to Carson.

Do you have some free time to talk this afternoon? We never got to finish our convo yesterday. I really miss you, Carson and I want things to work out between us. I'm heading to the soup kitchen right now, but I get off at 2. Call you then? —M