Another Alternative

Really, Hannah?

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide, Self Harm

"DAMN IT!" I screamed, throwing the empty gin bottle against the wall. "REALLY, HANNAH? FUCKING REALLY?" I found myself crying harder than before. You just got her back. After all these years, she was finally going to be your friend again. And you had to fuck it up. Stupid fucking dyke. The word slipped casually into my mind. I wasn't too familiar with it due to its novelty, but lord knows I knew it's meaning. This was the first time it had come into my mind, ruining any image of myself being acceptable or normal. I was a freak. There was nothing else to be done about it. Well, maybe one thing.

I walked slowly, hesitantly, over to the shattered remains of the gin bottle. I leaned down, carefully grabbed a decent sized, sharp shard of dark brown glass and brought it toward my wrist. I stood there like that for a long moment, calm and collected. Tears still streaming silently down my cheeks, I raised my hand to make a slash.

"Hannah!" Grace ran to me, yanking the glass away from me. She stared at me with fearful eyes. I broke from my trance-like serenity, collapsing into her arms. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm here. I'm sorry. It's alright." Grace stroked my hair gently as she muttered pointless words of comfort. I could feel her heart pounding in her chest as mine broke silently. I shouted wordlessly into her shoulder. My hands gripped the fabric at the back of her blouse, tearing small holes into it with my fingernails.

"Hey," She lifted my head to look me in the eye. I slammed my eyes shut in attempt to avoid meeting hers. "Open up, Hannah. Hey!" She pushed my hair behind my ears carefully and pressed a long kiss to my quivering lips. "Everything's going to be okay, okay? It's not over yet."

I pressed my forehead against hers. We stayed that way for a long time, I forget how long. I knew we'd have to talk about this later. But I didn't want to. I wanted to stay that way. Forever. My hands resting on her arms, hers cupping my jaw. I was disheveled and bleeding from the broken bottle. She was perfect. Quite a bit of blood had stained her white blouse but she didn't seem to mind. Some had even gotten in her hair but I didn't think she'd noticed. I sure as hell wasn't happy, but I knew it was better than what was to come.

Fuck.

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A/N Okay so I just notice how short my chapters tend to be and I'd like to apologize. Especially considering how long my hiatus' (hiati hiates Idkidkidk) tend to be. Sorry sorry sorry. But hey I just hit 1k reads so like that's awesome. If any of you are into the YouTube series Carmilla I'm working on some little fics for that. Stay tuned. But yeah happy holidays. I hope you're all as psyched about the new year as I am. New chapters soon!