no one said it would be easy

Chapter 16 - get out

Izzie

"The fuck are you doing here?", my mom shouts more than she speaks. She's clenching her fists and squinting her eyes.

I quickly shove the picture frame into my bag and hope she didn't notice I stole something from my own house.

"I- uh - I am... Uh..", I stutter as sheer fear takes control over my body.

My mom's gaze flickers from me to where Elsa is standing. It's just now she realizes we're not alone. Suddenly I feel better and more safe, knowing that Elsa is here with me, that she offered me her help and wouldn't let me go alone.

"And who the hell are you?!", my mom says, pointing with her finger at Elsa. She isn't amused to see us here.

Since my mom is focused on Elsa now, I get a few seconds to calm my breath and to really look at her.

She is wearing sweatpants, that are covered in what I suppose to be oil stains and tomato sauce. Her hair is in a loose messy bun and she's wearing dad's old hoodie.

"I'm Elsa, eh... I'm Casey's mom", Elsa speaks, bringing me out of my thoughts and back to real life.

I appreciate how Elsa didn't say 'Izzie's girlfriend's mom', but my mom's not dumb, and of course she can coun't two and two together.

"Ah", is all my mom says. Her gaze is landing on my face again. She looks awful. Seriously awful. She's dripping wet from sweating so much, even though it's fairly cold outside and she never does sports. Her hair is greasy and her lips are chapped.

"I told you not to ever visit this house again. You're not welcome anymore", she grunts, clenching her jaw, taking a step forward.

Elsa is stepping from one leg on another, clearly uncomfartable .

"I-I-... I just wanted to get some stuff", I stammer, trying to look her in the eyes, but just can't. I look at my shoes instead. I'm wearing my first ever pair of running shoes. They are all worn through and the sole is broken, but they are comfy and I like them. They remind me why I started running: To get my mind off of home.

"Then grab your stuff and leave, go to your girlfriend and don't you dare to reach out for your siblings or me ever again", she spits out the word „girlfriend" as if it's a dirty word and takes another step closer.

By now I realize she's on drugs again. This explains her strong sweating and her aggresive behavior in general. She's always like this when she's on drugs. By the way her eyes twitch I assume she's reached her high already.

I nod slowly and I feel tears burning in the back of my eyes. I grab the strap of my bag tighter and a single tear is running down my cheek.

It's like the walls of this house are caving in on me and I feel the need to flee. I can't remember moving towards the door, but here I stand now, looking back at my mom one last time, before leaving this house forever.

"What the fuck are you waiting for? Get the hell out of here, lesbo!", she yells and I pull a wry face, as her words are stinging inside my chest. I can't hold back the tears anymore. They are just flooding all over my face and landing on Casey's Clayton Sweatshirt, leaving stains on there.

Suddenly Elsa blocks my sight to mom. She's standing right in front of me, holding her hands out on each side, taking in a protecting Position.

"Take that back", Elsa says calmly, but demanding.

My mom is just as taken aback as I am from Elsa's sudden statement.

"What?!", she asks her in disbelief.

"'Lesbo' is neither a dirty word nor an insult. She's in love with another girl, not the devil! Izzie is your daughter. Your own flesh and blood! How can you make her feel so bad about someone she loves?", Elsa is angry, but she remains factual.

"What kind of mother are you, that kicks out their daughter for loving someone?", she's gathered up speed and confidence. Elsa looks at my mom with so much rage inside her that even Casey would be speechless.

My mom is just standing there, squinting her eyes at Elsa and biting on the inside of her cheek, a behaviour I inherited from her.

Elsa shakes her head and turns around, now facing me again.

"Come on Sweety, we'll go home", and with that she gently takes my hand to walk me to the car.

She takes the bag I was holding, throws it in the trunk, gets in the car and I'm following her lead.

As I'm buckling my seatbelt I look out of the window of the passenger seat. My mom moved a couple of steps forward, standing in the doorframe now.

Her face is unreadable.

The last thing I see is her, slamming the door shut, causing the leaves of the bushes in front of the door to fly a little.

Elsa turns on the engine, which automatically turns on the radio.

The same song that was playing on our ride here is on. The same song that was playing the whole summer. The same song that was playing four months ago, when everything was fine.

I hate that shitty song.