The Spaces in Between

Love is a privelage

Fire works bursted above your head as the city became a blur behind you. You were still fuzzy from drinking and you felt disappointment draining from your heart. Ben walked in front of you with a fast determined pace

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to sound ungrateful. Alex is not my boyfriend." You clasped your hands around your arms to block the cool winds outside of the city.

Ben stopped still facing away from you.

"You think I like being this way? Like I want to be your shadow?" His voice crackled through his deep demeanor. His shoulders slumped and his head faced the ground. He reached for his sleeves and took off his jacket.

Your eyes pondered around his black waves blowing in the wind. He turned around and met your gaze. His hand reached out to you with his jacket. You felt your heart drop, forgetting how unbearably considerate he is. You grabbed his jacket. His face looked at you in unsureness and his eyes wondered like they do when he's trying to grasp the right thing to say.

"If that's who you want to be with then I can't stop you." His voice was calm and collected yet brittle. Ben turned his back on you again.

"I want to understand," you maneuvered around him as you draped his jacket over your shoulders. The wind only making your face cold, "what do I have to do to make you see."

Ben looked up at you as his hair blew back exposing his hazel honey eyes. A color that could make winter turn into spring. His lips quivered before he spoke.

"I'm afraid (y/n). I feel like everything in my world is coming to a stop. I'm running out of options... out of light and warmth." His voice became solemn. You noticed dark patches under his eyes and you realized, no you felt his pain.

"Don't be afraid," your hands reached to clasp his pale soft skin on his cheek, "I feel it too." A soft smile in consideration arose from your face. You felt warmth flowing to his cheeks. You felt relief.

He stared at you and let a subtle sigh leave his lips.

"I miss you. I'm sorry I wasn't there." His eyes gazed into yours, his head nestled into your hand.

"You're here now." Your other hand left the pocket of his jacket and reached to his other cheek. You took a glance at his lips and just like that, the wind picked up his jacket and thrashed it to the ground. Your body moved into his and your lips fell perfectly on top of his. His hands grasped the back of your neck and his elbows wrapped around your shoulders as if he'd never let them go.

You felt the wind stop as the warmth to your cheeks grew back quickly. His lips were soft and gallant. He kissed you abrasively and deep. You felt better. At peace. You felt his warm breath hit your face in between movements.

Ben pulled away after a long kiss that lingered for seconds. His eyes met yours and he summoned an adoring smile that resonated through your mind. His long dimples appeared and in that short minute you realized that your heart had caught up to you.

"Ben," You whispered. his smile minimized into a grin as his eyes never left yours only to look down at the words that would appear from your mouth, "I love you."

As quickly as you said the words you saw his smiles demise. His eyes began to face the ground again. It had seemed like the wind picked up once again. Your heart began to raise and you felt an applaud of humiliation rush over you. You were sure you knew what his words were going to be. You prepared yourself for the shattering reality that this was too good to be true. But instead he looked up at you in confirmation.

"You love me?" His voice sounded torn. He asked as if he were truly surprised.

You nodded your head quickly and you felt a tear leave your cold face. "Ben I do. I do love you."

His eyes met yours again and his hand brushed down the goosebumps on the back of your neck.

"Love is a privilege," his lips quivered as he wondered your face, "I don't know if I deserve that privilege."

Your fingers ran across his lips. You understood now. He was alone just like you were alone, his mother and father could be here but they're not. There's nobody in this galaxy who has given Ben Solo the right to love anyone.

"Ben, love isn't anything you need to earn. It's given to you because of who you are."

His hand gripped the back of your neck and pulled you into his body, holding you as if you had just healed him. His face buried into the crook of your neck and warm breath spilled out over your skin. Warmth was surrounding you. A sense of security penetrated your heart. He pulled his head back up to yours and his solidarity turned into a smile.

"I love you too."