The Spaces in Between

I had a dream. You were dead.

The last moments before your mission you had with Ben passed like a fleeting moment. Your body's laid together in unison, soaking up and absorbing each other enough to have a hefty supply of mutual love.

You slowly sat up in your cot, Ben still sleeping under your arm. You looked to the window and saw light slipping through the top of the glass.

It's dawn.

You realized what all of this meant. For your training and hard work, for everything you strived for. This was a happy moment. But for some reason you felt nothing but anxiety. You worried what you'd come back home to. If Ben would flip the switch again. You loved him, but this was your whole life. It was not expendable.

You began to lift yourself off of your cot, scooting quietly toward the edge trying to make the least noise possible. The cots henges squeaked underneath you. You quickly looked to Ben to make sure you didn't disturb his sleep. You did.

Ben sat up slowly in the cot and rubbed his boyish eyes. His hair was pushed back from sleeping in his face. Under his eyes smalls lines formed. He looked at you and crossed his arms over his chest. You both sat in silence for a few moments.

"We're you going to leave without saying goodbye?" He asked. His voice was raspy and sleepy.

"I didn't want to wake you and it's not goodbye it's see you in a week."

"I hope so." He nodded profusely and sat up in the edge of the cot, putting his feet on the floor.

"You hope so? What does that mean?" You realized his sarcasm, but you didn't bite. Your voice filled with annoyance.

Ben stood up and stretch out his muscular back. You didn't realize the freckles before until the sunlight hit his body.

"I'll see you when you get back, if that idiot doesn't get you killed first."

"I can handle myself," you said snarking at his comment, "I will handle myself."

Ben scoffed at your comment.

"Right just like you did at the bar when I had to come save you. You don't always have the best judgment and it's terrifying that Luke put the guy who would have let you die on this mission and it's even more terrifying that he let the girl who fell for his act in the first place go on this mission with him!" Bens voice grew increasingly louder. His words meshed together in your head.

This was your first mission and he's worried about another boy??

"Oh that's really mature to say, Ben!" You jetted up from your bed and started aggressively throwing your robes in your satchel.

"Mature? You wanna talk about mature?" He angrily threw his trousers on, "How about the fact that the day after we end things you were kissing that low life as an idiotic plan to get over me!"

You wrapped your satchel around your shoulders and stood still in front of him from across the bed.

"If you had never spoken to me in the first place I wouldn't have to get over you now would I?" The volume in your voice plummeted to normal. The look on your face was transparent. You spoke out of sheer resentment. He knew that. He stopped fiddling with his belt.

Ben voice dropped to normal, his eyes scanned over yours. He took a deep breath.

"He's an asshole (y/n)."

"Well at least he's consistent." You pulled on your shoes and headed towards the door.

Ben took large strides after you into the corridor, his hand slipped onto your wrist but you pulled away before he could grip it. You looked back at him in dismay.

"Why can't you be supportive?" You asked, "why can't you tell me I'll be okay and that you're proud of me. Why does it always have to be this way?"

You grew mentally exhausted from the outbursts. When things were good with Ben, they were great. When things were off with Ben, you wanted nothing more than to walk away and never look back.

He stood there and looked at you. His lips pierced and his eyes solemnly looked into yours.

"I'm worried," he said with a soft muffle, "That's all."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

His eyes hit the floor and back up to you.

"That night that you were at the bar, when they almost killed you.. I've been having dreams about it. That I didn't make it in time. That you were dead. I know that I get angry, I know it won't stop you from getting on that ship." He stepped back and extended his hand.

"Ben you should have told me. You know it was just a dream." You looked at his hand hesitantly.

"I know, and I'm sorry. You deserve this. I'm proud of you and I love you with everything I have (y/n)." His hand jetted forward again awaiting yours.

Suddenly your anxiety melted away. You let your hand fall into his as he pulled you into a consuming hug. His arms wrapped around your whole torso and pulled you in tightly.

"I love you too. I will be okay. Just believe in me." You said against his chest. You felt him nod his head on the top of your head.

"Together." He whispered against your hair.

"Together even on different planets."

You released from his arms and leaned up towards his face. You lightly kissed his lips to confirm there would be more. You knew his dream was just a dream.

Then why are you worried?