To Be So Lonely // Ben Solo

1

She was isolated for years. Almost countless, now. The duration of time mattered not to her anymore. But seclusion was not all she had ever known; she once had a loving family, small, but present. She remembered the smell of trees, a lake; the feel of the wind cooling her warm skin. She remembered a boy. A Wookie. Laughter. But that was all long gone. The memories were familiar, but almost taboo to dwell upon, and certainly distant. 

None of it mattered now. It changed nothing.

Her routine stayed the same for the last year or so on this new planet. Once a month, she would leave the Crystal Cave, hike to the nearest lake, and spend two days catching enough fish to survive for the rest of the month. 

She found no one to encounter on this planet. Sometimes, if boredom set in, she would travel far enough from the Cave to check on her ship. What she hoped to find, she never knew, but it always stayed the same. The ship was still covered in snow and untouched.

She remembered the Crystal Cave being of importance to the Jedi. It was where the young Padawans used to find their Kyber Crystals, it had been abandoned for decades, since it was mined to the core by the Empire for the creation of the Death Stars in the past, and yet the old Caves still called for her presence. It made for a place of sanctuary from the outside world. There, inside the dark, cold Cave, she was able to meditate in silence, and try little to connect with the Force. Despite losing the Crystals, it was still strong in its foundation with the Force. 

In her boredom, the strength she felt through the Force in the Cave prompted her to try and  continue the little training she knew of. She had, in her early days, carved a tree branch to the shape of a lightsaber to practice with it. She practiced stances, defensive and offensive movements, twirling it around her wrist. Although she doubted ever having a partner to spar with, she did what she could to familiarize herself with handling a lightsaber, and keeping up on her ability to defend herself. She was never sure who she could run into.

But she soon vowed to only use the Force for breaking in and out of the Cave, for fear that she would be felt by him. When she had tuned into the Force during her mediation, although infrequently, all she felt was darkness rising, creating an imbalance. She felt no Light strong enough to combat it. She felt no one of significance any longer on the side of the Light—no one except his mother.

Though she had potential in the Force, it was never going to be enough to combat him. She had no chance in being his equal. All she could do was hide from him, from whatever he was building from the Dark.

But a few months into her stay, the planet began to shake from time to time. She hadn't lived on the planet long enough to know much of it, but she knew of the concept of planet quakes, and figured that was simply it. On her monthly trips to the river, she saw nothing of interest that pointed to the shaking. She would stand on the Caves side before she went into it, looking out across the snow-tipped forest, the frozen land, and see nothing that had changed.

Despite seeing nothing to accredit for the shaking, a worried feeling buried into her stomach. She considered traveling from the Cave for a longer period of time, to find the source, but ultimately decided against it.

Cyra thought her mind was made. She thought she would stay in the Cave. That was her final decision, until, the planet turned red.