To Be So Lonely // Ben Solo

17

When they finally woke, they spent the day to themselves, tucked away in their own private coordinator of the Finalizer. Cyra supposed she did not truly have to leave the room, since droids delivered meals to them, but she knew Ben would not allow her to remain hidden. He wanted her face known throughout the First Order as protected by him and to be respected at a high degree. Cyra thought this was an unnecessary move, but allowed him to be overprotective of her.

For that day, Ben spent most of it reprimanding her, training and shaping her to conduct herself in a manner that would be seen as acceptable among the ranks of the First Order. He was correcting her posture as she walked through their apartment in her new boots, fixing her new clothing to sit correctly, encouraging her to maintain a stoic face. It was rather hard to keep from politely smiling at those she passed, in all of the theoretic situations he proposed to her. She complained about the heel on the boot, how high up her her leg they sat, how tight her pants were, how tight the shirt was on her, how tight around her neck the cape sat.

"Cyra," Ben said, sighing. "You are meant to wear tight clothes, for battle. You can't have garments swinging about."

"But you wear a cape?" she asked immediately.

"Well I drop it when I fight," he said quickly.

Cyra stared at him, her eyes squinted. He did the same. Finally, she sighed, and placed her hands on her hips, peering at her reflection in the mirror. She was not used to seeing herself in tight clothing. She assumed it was a new look to Ben, as well, who primarily saw her in dresses all throughout her youth.

Ben stepped behind her in the mirror. With the lift in her boots, her head rested now at the bottom of his chin. He offered a small smile at her. "You look fine."

"Just different," she said softly. She tugged the lightsaber holster from his hands to attach it on her belt, about to slip her lightsaber into it, when he stopped her.

"About this," he said, taking the other side of the saber into his hand. She watched him visibly tense when he touched it, as if it sent him straight back to the memories contained within the weapon. He dropped his hand. "Uh, I wanted to mention that we should take a trip soon. Away from all of this. I'll teach you to make your Crystal bleed so it becomes red."

Cyra raised her eyebrow. "Who's requiring that I have a red lightsaber?"

"Nobody," he sighed again. She could tell he was growing tired of her refusal to conform. Unlike others he encountered with the same attitude, he could not scare them into submission. Cyra did not fear him. "But you have planned to stay here with me. I have taught you all I know from my time with Skywalker, so the training I will be teaching to you is not of the Light. You will have to use a Crystal that has been bled to feel the full effect."

"Yeah, but--" Cyra stopped herself. I'm not turning to the Dark Side, she wanted to say. She stayed silent and turned from Ben, focusing instead on the beeping communicator that saved her from continuing her words. "It's Hux. He wants to meet with you."

Ben remained still as Cyra walked away from him, knowing and feeling that his eyes were on her the entire time. She could block her thoughts from him, but he would always sense her emotions.

"Aren't you going?" she asked, turning briefly.

"I know you don't want to turn to the Dark Side," he admitted to her. "I know that isn't your plan by being here--"

"Then what do you think is my plan?" she challenged.

"I know you want to turn me. It's why you and Rey both came to save me. It's why you returned back to me, even after she brought you back to the Resistance. You believe in the love I have for you to turn me back," he told her. He stared directly into her eyes, waiting for her to break and admit it. "Your arrogance towards Snoke said it all. You're not in this for you, you are here, with me, to turn me back. It's selfless. It's reckless. But that's how I know you're embedded in the Light. Despite wanting to stay out of this, you are unable to because you love me and you saw there's a chance to save me."

"And you call me arrogant," she said softly.

"I don't know if you'll succeed," he told her, ignoring her remarks, as he was learning to do. He walked to close the distance she created between them, maintaining their eye contact, to which she held a stoic face to. He stopped beside her, looking down at her. "But in the time we have together, I do plan to show you the ways of the Dark Side. Not to convert you. Just to show you to not fear it and to tell you what Skywalker never did."