To Be So Lonely // Ben Solo

21

Ben was haunted by Cyra's words as he and a small group of Troopers flew down to the planet in question. Although he kept his lightsaber out and ready, she was right. He had no intention to use it.

As he landed and listened to their leader, he learned their rebellion was not about First Order occupation so much as it was about how they were low on food from having to feed the Troopers stationed in their village. He ordered the Troopers to bring a surplus of portions at once and he left without another word.

He did not kill anybody.

Hux was not as pleased to hear that no violence ensued. He was the only one on the council to report so, as the others were pleased to hear that the rebellion was squashed.

"You can't give them what they want," he snapped. "They'll know you're weak and prey on it."

"We can't rule systems if we let them die of starvation," said Ben lowly.

Hux looked around the table, watching the other members avoid both Hux's and Ben's eyes. Even if they did not agree, they were not brave enough to say so. Nobody exactly entered these meetings wanting to be Force-Choked anyways. Rolling his eyes, Hux leaned back in his chair, quiet to the matter.

"Anything else to discuss?" asked Ben.

"It's been almost a year since the Resistance escaped our reaches," said another Council member quietly. "Is there a plan to search for the remaining members?"

"I thought we have been monitoring for potential bases," said Ben, confused. "Have we been successful in finding any lead?"

"No, Supreme Leader, but some of us were wondering if you and...The girl...Could be using your abilities to snuff them out," said another Council member.

"She has done close to nothing to help the First Order. What is her purpose? How do you know she isn't still pro-Resistance and a spy for them?" muttered Hux unhappily.

Ben let it slide, although he did cast a warning glance at him. "Cyra would not be here if she wasn't for the First Order. The Resistance had nothing when we fought them last and I doubt sincerely that they have been able to grow their ranks with our presence in the major systems. Nevertheless, if there is a lead, I expect to be the first to know. As for Cyra, I can try with her to find a lead, yes. I cannot guarantee it, but I will try."

"What else have you two been doing, if not looking for the Resistance?"

"She is still recovering from the incident on the Supremacy," snapped Ben, his eyes fierce. Hux could talk a lot, but never failed to cower when Ben snapped. "Your concern for her does not go unnoticed, General Hux. I will be sure to tell her you care."

Ben waited a moment for other concerns to be brought up. When a moment of silence passed, he stood at once and left the meeting.

Anxiety set into the pit of his stomach. A year...It hadn't felt like an entire year with Cyra had passed. He supposed days flew by when it was often the same schedule day in and day out. Nothing had happened in the last year, no battles, nothing of significance. The war was still going on, but it was a waiting game, waiting for the First Order or the Resistance to make a move before another battle would ensue. There was doubt the Resistance would bounce back, but there was no doubt if they were to, the First Order was mighty enough to end it once more.

His colleagues were getting suspicious of Cyra's placement aboard the First Order. He himself could not say what she was there for, because he certainly could not admit to the Council that was his childhood love or admit to them that she had a personal vendetta to save him from the war.

He did trust her. She had shown no resistance to complacency. There were a number of times he had her datapad scanned out of his own curiosity and found no contact with the Resistance, no attempt to. He started to wonder if it was time he start to find her a duty aboard the ship before Cyra went insane from being holed up in their quarters or the Council demanded to know what her duty was in the First Order.

Ben stepped through the doors of their room and hummed softly in shock as he did not see her on the couch, as usual. He walked to the bedroom and saw her sleeping. He leaned on the door frame, a smile overtaking his stoic face as she saw how peaceful her face was. She didn't deserve this. She deserved something better. A better life.

"Are you going to stand there or are you going to take a nap with me?" she wondered suddenly.

Ben flushed red and shrugged off his cape, tossing it on the edge of the bed. He crawled into the bed beside her as she opened up the blanket and her arms, he fell into their normal sleeping position easily.

"How was your trip?" she asked.

"It was fine," he said. "I thought about what you said."

"You didn't kill anyone," she noted. His silence brought her to reach her hand up and tap his chest. "I'd know if you did."

"I didn't," he agreed. He could feel her relief and allowed her to bask in it before he continued. "Cyra, when I was reporting to the Board, they asked for us to try to use the Force to search for the Resistance."

"Uh, I don't think it works like that," she chuckled. "The only person I feel so clearly in the Force is you."

"I know," he said. He paused. "It's just been almost a year."

Cyra fell quiet. She leaned her head away from his chest to look up at him, shocked by his words. "A year in space?" she confirmed. "Feels like a short year."

"The Council is starting to question your contribution to the First Order."

Cyra hummed, understanding where they were coming from. "Me, too. What do you think I should be doing?"

"I think we could try to find the Resistance. Find some leads, travel to old Rebel bases, or something along those lines," he suggested lazily.

"Oh, so you want to travel with me?" asked Cyra, honored. "We always wanted to explore the galaxy together."

"I can't trust you to do anything else," he admitted. When Cyra opened her mouth to argue, he continued. "You're not in the First Order. You're here for me. I won't ask you to pretend like you want to help them."

"Well, you aren't wrong," she admitted. "Still, I'm assuming I will have to give a performance to the Council to ensure them I am willing to commit to the cause."

"No. I'll tell them we're taking a shuttle and going."

"So you can do that, but not bring me along to an uprising, huh?"

They both didn't have to look at each other to know Ben wanted to glare at her.

"Alright. I guess you'll have to teach me some more about how to use the Force so we can find a lead towards the Resistance because I'd have no idea where to start," said Cyra.

Ben nodded, agreeing. "Uh, what if we do find a lead, though?" he asked quietly.

Cyra hummed. "We would have to tell the First Order, wouldn't we?"

"But are you willing to give up that information?" he asked pointedly.

Cyra shrugged her shoulders. She neglected to answer, closing her eyes and snuggling closer into his chest.

He sighed, knowing precisely how she felt. "Alright."